how do you fix disappointment?

this is enough..

i miss 2K ppl so much. more so after the gathering today. SIGHHH. wynne reminded me of my flying fingers that would perch on her finger perch and then fall off as a dead bird. Oh those sweet memories! I miss flying dead bird! No one in their right mind would play flying dead bird with me. And even if they did, it just wouldn't be the same!

making fun of suat is still as fun as ever. Everyone pretty much looks the same.

i feel like the picture yan hui took. The dead leaves in it. Lying there like nothing has ever changed. Sigh. Nothing should have ever changed...

ignored like a dead leaf.

how can i sleep tonight? hearing this maybe i shouldnt be hearing. maybe i should.

i wish i could be a conservationalist [if there's such a word] and go somewhere in search of animals that need saving and just save animals for the rest of my short, pathetic and miserable life. I wish i could make friends with lions and tigers. They would never disappoint me and there will be no danger of being anything more than friends. Animals animals animals. There are so few in the wild here. There isnt even something that can be called 'the wild' to begin with. I wish i could go explore some isolated jungle and see animals everywhere i go. [not humans of course. animal animals. all the better if they're furry.]
i would be a marine biologist if i could swim better. But since i cant i will probably die before i can save any sad little fish hoping to be saved.

I dont know what to be.

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Fireflies - Owl city

You would not believe your eyes
If ten million fireflies
Lit up the world as I fell asleep
Cause they'd fill the open air
And leave tear drops everywhere
You'd think me rude but I would just stand and
Stare

I'd like to make myself believe
That planet Earth turns, slowly
It's hard to say that I'd rather stay awake when I'm asleep
Cause everything is never as it seems

Cause I'd get a thousand hugs
From ten thousand lightning bugs
As they tried to teach my how to dance
A foxtrot above my head
A sock-hop beneath my bed
The disco ball is just hanging by a thread
(Thread, thread...)

I'd like to make myself believe
That planet Earth turns, slowly
It's hard to say that I'd rather stay awake when I'm asleep
Cause everything is never as it seems
(When I fall asleep)

Leave my door open just a crack
(Please take me away from here)
[ Owl City Lyrics are found on www.songlyrics.com ]
Cause I feel like such an insomniac
(Please take me away from here)
Why do I tire of counting sheep?
(Please take me away from here)
When I'm far too tired to fall asleep
(Ha-ha)

To ten million fireflies
I'm weird cause I hate goodbyes
I got misty eyes as they said farewell
(Said farewell)
But I'll know where several are
If my dreams get real bizarre
Cause I saved a few and I keep them in a jar
(Jar, jar, jar...)

I'd like to make myself believe
That planet Earth turns, slowly
It's hard to say that I'd rather stay awake when I'm asleep
Cause everything is never as it seems
(When I fall asleep)
(2x)

I'd like to make myself believe
That planet Earth turns, slowly
It's hard to say that I'd rather stay awake when I'm asleep
Because my dreams are bursting at the seams

today is a happy happy happy happy happy happy day!!


and tonight's gonna be a good night~!

i was crawling my way there, you helped me up. i can trust you more than anyone in the world.

i did something stupid today. Didn't know lit lecture started at 10 instead of 1030.. nobody told me!!! stupid la. i realised that there were no lit people around belatedly. called some but no answer. Finally crispy called me back -.- told me the shocking news. and i was like dam too late -.- i was just kidding saying its somebody's fault. but not kidding when i said go away.

There was a half/day[it just feels like it should be written like that] anyway. school ended at 11. Dint really feel like a half/day. i hid somewhere outside school to do work. stared at the sun. felt sleepy. tried my best.

hello nightsky. take me somewhere nobody knows about. everywhere i go i see people i know. people i don't know. people i don't want to know.

i dug a 10 feet deep shyt hole for myself and jumped right in. some jumped in tried to save me, but failed. they climbed back out and they were safe.

can't wait to get out of school. once this chapter of life is over, its time to start a new one. And it won't have some people in it, and it won't have some things in it, and that's what i'd want. just to have those special things remain, and the rest, undone.

summary of things i need to do:
1. put photo on eagles form
2. chem section D thing
3. CAAL thing
4. Bio TJC paper 3
5. Play with burger and squall
6. Memorise the ffVII main theme on piano

had awesome fun with ahrong, huiwei and fudi yesterday. We went to wild wild wet [which wasnt very wild] first and lazed around in the lazy pool before riding some slides, which were only initially scary. The only really scary and exciting thing was that almost 90 degree drop ride!! I almost died in that float man. My back was facing the drop while xiu rong was facing me... and so i could only mentally prepare myself for what was coming... and then the guy pushed us off and.. i couldnt feel the ground at all as we fell!!! it was such a horrifyingly steep drop i cried out to the heavens save me!! [no i didnt but almost.] Thank goodness it was over in about 30 seconds.. any longer and i would really have twisted some muscle. I was so tense my arm almost cramped and my leg too and i dunno what i did but my neck hurt after that -.- I can't stand this kinda rides[viking is one ride im never gonna sit for the rest of my short, pathetic, meaningless life], but for the sake of this outing, i still tried it! What an accomplishment! Other than that the rest of the time was spent lazing around in random pools. It was a very nice day with very nice weather for being outside. The sun swallowed up by the clouds and the occasional breeze freezing our asses as we climbed the stairs to each slide....

Had to leave at 4 though cuz the bbq people were here with the huo4. We picked up the huo4 and then went back to the chalet room to bathe wash up and stuff. Then waited for the china scholars to arrive.

With the arrival of the china scholars, we could get started! Fire lighting~ whee~ first time i lit the bbq fire! usually its other people taking charge of it but there were only 8 of us there so all of us took turns. I think we were all not very good at it cuz our fire took forever to burn the charcoal! The nice auntie next door came to help us poke around and arrange the charcoal a bit to make it burn better!

One hour later.... aiya just start cooking la so hot liao the fire. So we just started without a care in the world. Started with chicken since chicken would take the longest. Zheyu was our official food tester. He ate everything even if it was blood-red-raw can. Such a scavenger! Whenever we cooked stuff we gave it to him first ahaha.

Halfway through the lot of us got very amused by the flame application on [omg is it yi xian or jie rui i dunno!] that person's phone and spent like 20 minutes trying to put out the flame using all kinds of lame methods. THEN finally we gave up and he showed us and we just had to blow out the flame!! Problem is we already tried that but when we do it it doesnt work!!! raaahh...

Went to room to watch tv for a while after that then the guys wanted to go arcade so we went. 6 of us together played this racing game [datona i believe] and it was my first time!! I chiong-ded like mad cuz i didnt wanna lose and i was in the lead for 7/8 rounds!!! AND THEN ZHEYU THAT GREEN CAR CAME AND CRASHED MY CAR!! rahhh so angry!!! He made me die until the last place can -.- For 2 games i was first until he crashed my car -.- At least the second time i was promoted to 4th place -.-
Then we went to play our favourite many-people-together-game, photohunt and then my favourite arcade game of all time.. throwing bball! Team jiasheng and desiree defeated team huiwei and fudi by a close [i forgot how many insert a number less than 10 here] points! hooray! Although by STAGE 3, my arms were already quite suan [how weak and frail i have become since the time xiu rong and i were forced to play four games straight!] but i think i made a reasonable contribution!
Xiurong huiwei and i then played a cooking game thing under huiwei's recommendation and it was quite fun and jing zhang also but all games played with friends are fun!
Xiurong and i left at 1045pm cuz it was quite late already! The scholars were still mulling over a chinese chess game and virtual tennis so yap, we left first!

Went home dead tired but as usual, not falling asleep until some unthinkable unearthly hour [at least 3am or so] during which i had a dream about being cut to pieces by a madman and then being awoken by various sounds of handphone alarms of the people in the house at 7am and then had to go for piano.

i need sleeping pills!!!

What's this? Perhaps just a feeling i miss. At the same time i think i forgot the feeling. Can't seem to identify it or recognise it. To have someone protect you and look after you is nice, but without obligation, just out of pure kindness of the heart is even nicer.

To you i feel happiness.
To you i feel disappoinment.
To you i feel grateful for your beliefs.
To you i feel isolation.
To you i feel trustworthiness.
To you i feel uncertainty.
To you i feel innocence.
To you i feel awkwardness.
To you i feel friendship forever.
To you i feel distance.
In you i see someone who doesn't need to change.
In you i see someone who wouldn't and shouldn't change for me.
To you i hope you'll find another but we'll always have each other as friends though one day i'll have to leave and leave you two to live your lives.
To you i know you'll probably find another and i'd rather be gone now than stay and watch you playing.


I'd rather have everlasting friendship than a painful romance. There's no alternative.
ming bai ma? i believe wo de peng youz hui ming bai de.

i must write about my terrifying dream! I didnt wake up in cold sweat or anything, but it was really quite scary.

I dreamt that for some reason, my estate was being torn down. Apparently they gave a one week's notice but my family didn't really notice it. We had to pack all our stuff and move out of the house. I think there was a flood coming? Anyway it was horrible cuz they were gonna burn all the stuff we didnt take along with us, and because we had so little time to pack, we couldnt take much stuff along! I remember taking my bio notes, because i have bio mcq tmr! But all my other notes were gonna get burnt! I cant remember what else i took with me...

Anyway we were staying in tents on a field outside and there were a lot of people with they baggage all huddled up together. I had to study for my bio exam in the tent.

Then somehow or another, my sis and I got kidnapped to work in this factory. We had to do some woodwork and the people around were really scary and looked dangerous and had the intention of taking advantage of us. But then before anything happened, it started raining like mad and the streets outside started filling up with water. There were childen stored away in the upper parts of the workhouse, all screaming, and the barrier outside keeping the water out was starting to fail. Water started seeping in through the wooden doors with glass panels. I guess i just stared in horror cuz i didnt know what to do.

Don't remember anymore after that. I should start documenting the number of dreams i have about dying in floods and drowning! Could it be the childhood memory of drowning still haunts me? How's that possible! I got saved.

I suppose drowning's the kind of death i fear most.



Oh i had another insomnia episode on monday! I went to sleep at 1230, got up at around 1:00am, walked around a bit, went back at 1:30, lay on the bed wide awake until 2:30am or so, got up and gave up trying to sleep. Went to listen to siblings talking, yes all of us were awake. They were talking about animes and stuff and then started talking about islands. And then at 4am i was chased to bed by my sis. And at 530am i woke up for school and for bio paper 3 and chem mcq! I lasted through the papers though i was half dead before chem mcq. Cheeseburger suffers from insomniacal problems too but he eats sleeping pills!! My head was swimming by the time chem was over. But xr, charbi, cheese and me still went to eat ice cream to celebrate haha. Then went home... and slept! And slept! Until 5am the next morning[today]! Wa. good cure for insomnia, one day sleep one day don't sleep. Mom refuses to let me eat sleeping pills.

i am happy. I fed Burger baby food with a sauce container [new one of course]. It was peach banana rice mix. That sounded energizing and good for a little malnutritioned one! ANywu, Burger cannot be 8 months old la!! She's half the size of Hit and Run who are 3 months old!! She's so small, so like a baby hammie...

Life is not so bad afterall with many hammies to shower love and care upon! C:

ah. realise i must write about about the proceedings of the KI paper because it was so unique. So! It was the day of the KI paper, and the day of IS submission. Everyone was flustered and going mad because of last minute problems with formatting and stuff. The paper didn't start until 20 minutes past the time and when it did there were the typical sighs and exclamations leaking out from seeing the questions. They were positively difficult. So the first 5 minutes were spent in shock before everyone started doing the paper seriously.

Halfway through, Mr Dio started giving out chocolate and gummies! Thank goodness cuz i was soo hungry~ Hung started talking and commenting something about it, i can't remember what he said but it wasnt funny S: Anyway so we ate choco while doing our papers ahaha... And i was dead sleepy by the time i was halfway through the paper... I just couldnt wait to finish cuz i HAD HAD HAD to sleep. So i squeezed out the last morsels of energy to read through like 3 4 5 times before i finally collapsed at the last half hour. Nothing else to write. Brain not functioning anymore. Sleeeep... I never slept during a paper before of course considering the fact that most papers don't give you that much time.. but this was really... TOO LONG... i have no idea if what i wrote was on point cuz the questions were quite hard honestly..
Anyway that was really the most fun paper ever. All the others consist of much solemnity and winter winds.

P.S. yea Burger looks just like Actually though much thinner and smaller, she's either malnutritioned or just not fully grown yet...

P.P.S Burger is using the sandbox i made for her!! I am so happy~~ There are sunflower seed shells in there :D

Here cometh little Burger:


I got little Burger today. That's her name. Not sure if she's a guy or girl but i highly suspect she's a girl. She's not showing signs of being a guy and she got all the boys up and running. She's quite a nice hammy, she really doesn't bite unless she's hungry [Cheese has been starving her i bet!] Oh well it didnt turn out so bad. Mommy didn't really kill me. Just made noise about random things and all is well now. I built a second storey and a little house for Burger cuz her cage was so empty and she must have been sooo bored. Thank goodness there was a spare wheel at home, don't need to buy another one! She now lives at my bedside. High-rise living man. In case she's really a girl, better to keep her far away from all the boys below![4 hammies 2 mice]

There is a grand total of 7 rodents in my house now!

Exam is okay so far. Am still alive.
More worrying things at hand.


The cheeseburger decided to give me a hamster for whatever reason i cannot fathom.
WHY?? HOW?? Mom is gonna KILL.

Strangers everywhere are saying things again.
What do they know and what do they care
Think they know all about betrayal
They know nothing more than smoke in the air.


Sigh. Cant talk to people without having another thousand talking.
And just keep getting them hurt.

SI LE! i realised how many different and weird interpretations can come out of my last post so i have decided that it should join the rest of the unfortunate random alphabets in the trashes.

what i mean to say of course is. What momoren said better not be true or i really can go and die liao. this is very not like me. Don't believe this kind of stuff can. CAAN.

the moon tonight is very round. the sky is so clear i can see all the craters. or at least those facing this way. it still looks nice.

ah. there is time now.

sort of.

I've been having dreams about the supernatural for the past two days. It seems like vigorous studying helps to generate very vivid and action filled dreams. It's like every moment something is happening.

Two days ago i dreamt this:
We were moving house and i was scared
Never had i ever been so unprepared
The house was strange, with purple walls
It stood alone and very tall,
but the weirdest thing about it all
The door wouldnt open to our call.
Shadows darted past the windows
voices of so many lost souls
just creepily creepily haunting that house
it's just so weird, don't know what else....

Suddenly, things started happening,
People screamed, invisible forces from our dreams surrounded us,
attacking the weakest parts of our minds,
the deepest fears we had were all dragged out,
as i went down i had to shout, but you
tangled in your own decay, heard me not as i slipped away.

yea i dreamt that. It's quite scary, when you cant be noticed, can't be heard while you're fading away... i wonder if something like that will happen in real life.

I dreamt about more ghostly things this morning but this time there were people protecting me so it wasnt so scary until i was left alone, then all the shadows started advancing upon me, but i already woke up.

bio paper was dam lame la. needed to go toilet halfway until i couldnt take it anymore, couldnt think properly, and had to risk not being able to finish the paper to go toilet. indeed, I did not finish the paper. AHHhhhhhhh~~~~raaahhhhhh.....

zzzt.

other interesting news. jeremiah lim asked me something shocking questions today. I WISH I COULD LIE BETTER.

ok ok stop emoin. need to go rewrite my IS.

form follows function.

Here i am to record my life events in case i should forget, which i hope i do not.

Yesterday was the Japanese Summer Festival once again! I missed it last year because i went to watch fireworks instead, but I went before the year before last. This year was different though, we all marched down decked out in our yukata of various colours! Cor bought the yukata from uniqlo while he was doing on Japan immersion. Naturally mine is yellow [i always seem to be in yellow nowadays, it breaks me out of my all dark self.], chair's is purple [naturally also], nu's is black [not very natural, but the pink and rabbit prints on it suit her] and cor's is blue, as natural as a guy's can get.

Wearing the yukata is a confusing and complex affair. You have to put your arms through the sleeves first so its like a loongg loong magnificent robe that trails of thick material behind you, and then you take each edge of the cloth and wrap it around left over right[dont get it wrong! the other way round is for dead people!] so that you pull up all the extra material and fold it over a white band tied around your waist. [my sis might have done this as an extra step cuz there was so much extra material on mine], anyway after this is the tying of the bow, just follow the steps on the instruction sheet and tying the bow in front of you, around yourself, then get someone to hold the bow while you do a 360 degree turn so the bow ends up behind you! We took quite long to get everyone into their yukata and it was steaming hot wearing it.

Anyway after that we pranced out of the house and made our way to expo for the shuttle bus. A few minutes later we were there! Looong LOOong queue there was, winding around many pillars, but the queue moved fast and soon enough, we were inside! Headed for food first cuz it was about dinnertime. There wasnt much left. Me and cor got sausages for everyone while chair and nu got curry rice and pork rice for everyone too. We ate and then went to see the other halls with the other stuff. Mr. Curry had super cute MANGO NYAN bags and we were all hypnotized by it and ended up buying THREE of them. Chair also got a giant domo bag to give away to someone and we got some fortune cat pouches at the same place. Water was scarce but we managed to get some drinks.
After eating was playing. The usual water balloon yoyo fishing, whee. They give you these hooks attached to a strip of paper that you have to use to dip in water to fish out balloons. It may be hard if you don't know the technique because the paper will get wet and break and you'll lose the hook. But i managed to get the one i wanted, yellow, of course, with a radar like grid print. I was contemplating a black one but decided it was too ominous. Chair also played a bowling game and knocked all the pins down so she got a prize of cute erasers and a tiny tiny tiny zip pouch with i chose. The prizes were wrapped in paper so you couldnt tell what they were until you opened it.

There were lots and lots of people there, and various people in yukata too. The little kids still look the best and the cutest. It's fun stuff that should be experienced at least once in the lifetime C:

Colours:
The awards ceremony itself was nothing much to talk about. But things are always fun as long as you're with shiny happy people.

AFTER the ceremony was the funner part. DINNER. Akshay and Gerald were trying to convince everyone to go to Bedok for dinner cuz they live near, and so do i, so i gladly agreed. Akshay kept saying its a FRIDAY NIGHT!! IT'S A FRIDAY NIGHT!! Exclaiming till his voice was going shrill and it was so super funny the way he seemed so desperate. In our LOUD discussion, even Mr. Melon overheard and pranced over to tell us that he would strip us of our awards if we didnt eat the buffet dinner! [which had only 5 measly dishes by the way and almost all of it gone by the time we went to eat] He was kidding of course, but we ate some of the buffet anyway cuz we were starving human beings. Eventually though, we decided to be nice and go somewhere near school, but further from home! To make other people happy. We went to this place opposite bukit timah plaza, which i dunno what its called, with my rifle girls and the rifle boys and sam the pistol girl. We had hot stuff for dinner, really really hot, thank goodness the drink helped.

The guys really have interesting stuff to talk about man. They can talk about anything and everything cept that i think their links fly even futher than when girls talk. One moment they're talking about art people and the next moment they're talking about rich people and its quite hilarious, the way they talk.

Oh, how can i bear to leave this place with people that make me feel so at home! sigh. the dilemma of the century.

goodbye world! It is about time to immerse myself in math homework....

Things left to do:
1. Testimonial writing
2. Math Paper 1n2 ACJC
3. Math Paper 1n2 AJC

here i am once again to spend a moment of my life sharing what interesting moments there have been. Yesterday was interesting, though not so pleasant.

Math consultation from 6-730pm on both monday and tuesday, absolutely draining but it feels so nice to be in school at that time cuz its all quiet and no one's around [apart from the western dancers] and we can learn in peace.

Yesterday when i took the bus home, it was so crowded and dark outside that i couldnt really see what was outside. So. i imagined my stop to be my stop. And i pressed the bell. And then i alighted. And then. WRONG STOP. and summore FOUR STOPS TOO EARLY. i was so sianded, i just walked all the way to my stop. Anyway the jam was so bad, the bus kept starting and stopping and the fluids in my ears were imbalanced and my brain translated that as me hallucinating and decided that it was due to poisoning, and was close to inducing vomitting.

The rest of the ride home was peaceful.

I had various dreams recently. Monday morning's dream made me wake up at 3am. I dreamt i was playing this computer game which gave me tasks to do, and somehow although i knew they would hurt, i did them anyway. One was to wipe some burning thing on my leg and i did it and my leg felt like it was on fire and i could feel every morsel of the pain that was piercing my nerves but i still went on to do the next task. I woke up after the next task and my first thought was, it was a dream, how could it have hurt so bad?? i felt like every moment of the hurting, it was soooo real.
my dream this morning left the mario theme song playing in my head over and over, but i cant remember why. Will put in more effort for that next time.

pe today was fun. Attendance was super bad and while waiting, andy and xiang yin played golf with the hockey sticks and i indulged myself in spinning the basketball. I think i'm getting better at it!
When more people came, we had a 5 on 5 hockey match which was super violent but very exciting and i got hit and i hit people, all by accident. When the pe teacher let us off, me, xue min, north, leo, daniel, andy stayed to play bball! Leo and daniel were on my team. My score rate today was 100% because i only got 1 chance to score lol. The rest of the time was spent stealing balls from people and passing it to leo and daniel. North kept scoring and so it was clear the other team was stronger by far. But then, the golden goal was unexpectedly scored by... LEO! mY Gosh. Everybody was super amazed and i think even leo look 10 seconds to realise he scored! [that's twice the normal time needed!] haha. so fun.

hello world. something bad happened today. I waited dam long for stupid 170 to come guess who were waiting too? Estella and Cheryl from 03. Waited for like 1/2 an hour. Bandana came out and she took 171 and estella and cheryl gave up waiting so they took 171 with her. Guess what? 170 came right after that. I smsed bandana to tell her the good news. she passed on the news to cheryl and estella, who promptly alighted from 171 and got onto 170 at the next stop. They sat at the seats diagonally in front of me. They started talking about me. Estella said my name so freakin loud and clear, i actually jumped. And then whispering. mentioning of more names. It was clear what they were talking about. Gossip gossip. Eee here, yuk there. Yea. Too bad they arent blessed with inaudible voices? Cuz i kinda can hear them gossiping. And dam could they care less about whether the people they were gossiping about were present. Hm! I kinda wonder if i was meant to hear some bits in the first place! Ah, they probably don't think it's harmful in the first place. Aiya, since you're already talking in front of me, might as well talk louder, why waste your energy whispering.. i already know how everything spread.

I never talked about them even. Don't know anything about them. Same as how they don't know me. Yet they have something to talk about. Talk talk talk. Me ranting on. some people really can't multitask. When they talk they forget how to feel. am i being oversensitive? HM! i don't know really.

Didn't know they were one of those people. I must really be too naive. I actually think that some people are nice. That's probably why i get tricked. I'm always wrong. strange. People do think they are nice. Gossiping, especially harmful gossiping, is really just part of human nature right? I'm gonna become an alien then. All that talk. I should talk less too.

From dictionary.com:
gos⋅sip
  /ˈgɒsəp/ Show Spelled Pronunciation [gos-uhp] Show IPA noun, verb, -siped or -sipped, -sip⋅ing or -sip⋅ping.
Use gossip in a Sentence
–noun
1. idle talk or rumor, esp. about the personal or private affairs of others: the endless gossip about Hollywood stars.

But idle talk sounds like normal talking. I shall insert my own definition of it being harmful to the feelings of others because i don't think huiwei will be very hurt if i told xiu rong that she's eating mushrooms for the first time. That's still her personal affair but a gossip that seems acceptable yet when we use gossip, it always has bad connotations.

as a side thought, i do not watch movies one on one with people i meet at obs. Wherever that idea sprung out from, i do not know. Does not matter since it's a lie.

I probably wouldn't really care if i heard that they talked about me[it's the in thing nowadays]. it's just bad being there in person. Being there in person just makes me wanna shrivel up and die.
Luckily they are not my friends.

byebye fake friends.

i woke up LATE this morning. Mom suddenly came into the room at 7:05am gasping in shock. I opened my eyes, saw the colour of the light in the room [quite blue and bright, meaning not 6+ anymore, meaning must be 7+, meaning LATE.] and my first thought was SHYT. Hopped out of bed, brushed teeth, changed and bounced out of the house in a grand total of 3 minutes. I'm fast right!! Hailed a cab at 7:11am which cost me THIRTY-ONE BUCKS. Walao eh. I dunno if the uncle cheated me or what. The plain fare was $17, the surcharge was $14. Grah. I almost made it, might have if the uncle had the change for me!! anyway i was late for the first time in my NJ life. sigh.

This is what happens when usually I'm the only one who wakes up in the morning. Me dont wake up= mom dont wake up = sis+dad dont wake up. Ta da. It's a chain reaction. I don't seem to hear my clock recently though. I wonder if it's spoilt or i'm spoilt. Probably I am.

Anyway yesterday morning i went to see the Da Vinci Exhibition with my sis and bc. It was intriguing while i was there but it didn't leave an impact on me! My sis said if she wanted to see replicas of an artist's work she would just go search online. It was $15 to see the replicas. Anyway to feel better, we watched an omnimax movie, Sea Monsters! It was quite awesome but my legs felt weak sitting at the top of the theatre. When i went the first time in primary school, i was cringing in the chair. It's like a viking feeling, which i cannot stand. This time, the national geographic logo being flashed in a way that the yellow rectangle comes towards you like a tunnel, totally made me and my sis weak in the knees. I had to grab on to the armrests and shut my eyes for a moment. Man, when they show those dipping scenes, like, from flying over the horizon to being sucked into the sea, you totally feel like you're falling. Well, i totally feel like i'm falling and my heart falls with it. Yet i think it would have been nicer with more of that because that's like the whole point of the omnimax theatre! It can give you that feeling!

Anyway the show was just following the life of a cute flipper-ed dino which they referred to as the Daaaaa-ly. She got bitten by a shark and there was a shark tooth embedded in her skeleton when the paleontologists were sweeping up her bones. Yea there was some diversity and evolution involved. Hah.

Exiting the omnimax brought us to a space exhibit, which was really really nice, I love outer space apart from the aliens. We didn't stay too long cuz i was supposed to go home and study soon. We went to IMM to eat and DAISO where everything is 2 dollars, and i was SOO tempted to get this cute little box of pastels! My sis strongly supported me in buying a cute little box of markers instead so i got the cute little markers instead. But i still think those pastels were SO CUTE. Ahh.. i just wanted to own all the colour pencils, markers, crayons and little pastels on that shelf!

Okay, after that we went off home and i did work until 1+ resulting in my being late for school. YAY.

i was doing my IS halfway when my sis came home and reminded me that today is national day and i switched on the tv to watch the parade! Guess what, the parachuters are wearing bell bottoms! lolol. And they didnt give out coloured smoke this year. how sad. Anyway, i finished season1 of House! fastforwarded DOUBLE SPEED man. Cant do that for season 2 though, IT DOESNT HAVE ENGLISH SUBSS. nooo.

i regret to say i didnt wake up thinking its national day! But instead my first thought was a trail of my dream, which ended with some chem question. Yea. What kind of life do i have man.

Anyway it was fun watching UP with xiu rong, minlu and breadface! I didnt wanna watch it actually since its a 3D ANIMATION MOVIE and i really dislike watching those in cinemas cuz its a cartoon. BUT for the sake of minlu, i graciously obliged. Everyone else wanted to watch it anyway! Anyway anyway, it was nice though, the funny parts were really pretty funny and breadface kept laughing and laughing i thought he might go into convulsions soon. Then i would have to administer some benzodiazepines STAT!

Okay okay. Time to do homework while watching TV. i mean, do homework. Really. Really! ok bye.

YES. i have yuan fen with HOUSE! In episode 4 the ppl thinking of names for their kid:

"Amber."

"No. Amber's a stripper name."

"Ok, non stripper names. Desiree?"

HAA.

Good sign for my IS i hope.

im spamming house so i can do my IS properly.

Anyway, i think i should stay up till 12:34:56, 7/08/09 to mark the date since fudi has kindly informed me that that would be 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 and it would not happen again in my life! Whoohoo. How exciting apart from the fact that im quite dead tired and would like to sleep. But no! I must not miss this exciting event.

CIP today was the ultimate awesomeness. Jeremy is the ultimate slave! He is super good at slave work man, he does anything i ask him to. lololol. So fun. Ever since he moment he spilt the green paint on the floor, we discovered his talents for cleaning floors and passing paint bottles to people/ washing paintbrushes and getting things for people. Haha. So thats what he did for the rest of the time. REVENGE FOR THE DOUGHNUT.

We painted a lot of new things again today! XiuHui, WanYun and I added a new layer of grass and... I WASTED SO MUCH TIME ON THE STUPID SUN. I kinda regret it now. I want to paint more mushrooms instead!! Yea. I made the sun too orange[i always think of the desert sun] so i spent like 2 hours toning it down and blending it back. After much noise from scholars and xiu hui, i hurriedly moved on to clouds. Zhuo Chun helped me with clouds too! So we have a grand total of FOUR clouds now! [they were commenting i was gonna spend another 2 hours on clouds but i proved them wrong!]

Anyway after clouds i proceeded on to mushroom drawing and painting. Zui Qiu insisted on GIANT mushrooms and he was right! Giant mushrooms are easier to paint! Ama and I did mushroom painting and both of us are unsatisfied with our mushrooms. They look weeeird. We are bent on some touching up on Wednesday.

ZuiQiu drew a dam nice swan. Dam good laa... And the trees are also uber nice!! Done by TEAM no. 1: Chian Siang and Qingyun [they make a dam good team!], Team No. 2: Kristy and Daniel[and occasionally jeremy i think] Kristy is so tall she only needs a canteen bench to paint the tree!!! Team no. 3: Scholarly Team [who were also doing the uber nice pond] consisting of JiaSheng, ZuiQiu, Zheyu, ZhuoChun

I hope I didnt miss out anyone!

More credits for previous days CIP: huiwei for helping me paint the tree bark! Fudi for touching up the empty sky, lynna for her very nice dustbins lol. XiuRong, Joyce, Jingmin, Roddy for grass base layer and everything else that everyone did that i didn't see C:

note to self: find happiness in the smallest things. ignore that which causes pain.

:D C: schmile more. it might be better for doing homework.

THE COLD WAR HAS ENDED. Arh. It was not meant to be so soon because my cold, cold heart is unforgiving, but i was in too much of a joyous mood today to reject anyone.

Squash today was fun while my time alone with Kaiting lasted. After that it wasnt so fun cuz i couldnt really hit the ball when someone purposely hit so hard -.- Oh and Kaiting kept laughing at me non-stop for some retarded thing that i did. [i seriously have no idea what i was thinking when i did that!!] I couldn't take the extent of retardacy that it turned out to be that i almost mauled her while trying to get her not to tell xiuhui and crisp. [she still told xiuhui in the end but at least the retardacy of it all had worn out quite a bit in my mind.]

Got back last of my papers today. Whitby is disappointed in me and i am disappointed in my bio and that just about sums it all up!

I feel like a monkey now. I had longan, cherries, mangosteen and banana after dinner. Monkey's diet. I could live on just that forever.

My fingers are quite sore from practising piano. I hope i pass my lesson decently tomorrow.

I HAVE TO STUDY. STUDY STUDY STUDY STUDY. prison break and harper's island have ended so there's no more TV for me to watch so mom said no more TV!! So i have to study study study and maybe one day i'll be able to go to the land of the long white cloud and be happy.

ok time to go.

hello, im here to write about my dream, before i head to dinner.

I was dead sleepy [cuz again i couldnt sleep last night] so i went to sleep when i got home, after drinking ribena. I slept for about 2 and a half hours and had a dream.

I think it was a nightmare rather, but it wasn't THAT nightmarish. I dreamt that there was career fair going on in school and there were exhibits in the field, giant fighter planes and stuff for the SAF and there were people playing with it. Then andy told us we had to go to the range for a meeting and it was already quite late and i wanted to go home, but i went for the meeting anyway with xiu rong. When we got there we waited for dam long for everybody to settle down, then andy told us that the meeting was to tell us to meet on saturday at 1pm! I was so irritated I shouted at andy and starting exclaiming about how stupid this all was, then I went home in a huff. It was dark and the roads looked different so I almost couldnt find my way to the bus stop. Then i remembered I was supposed to draw this sea scenery for Ama. So i drew it and painted it in watercolours with my fingers, and then my dad decided to help so he was drawing a sea plant then he started using the colour pencil to colour it green, but I had already coloured it in watercolour pencils then wet the paper so the paper was soggy and thin and as he tried to colour using the normal colour pencil, the paper started to tear. I begged him to stop and stop but he just continued and he pressed even harder and the whole thing just tore apart and I kept saying I told you to stop!! I told you to stop!!! I already finished it I told you to stop!! I was having a nervous breakdown and i was so agitated i started breathing very fast and very heavily and i woke up like that, breathing very chaotic-ly.

For most of the dream I was just agitated, angry, impatient, annoyed. I wonder if it's runoff from school emotions.

Squall has become humongous, he covers my hand almost entirely. And he's quite heavy and i can feel the wholesomeness of his squishy body as he waddles across my palms. He is still one of the nicest colours of hamsters ever although his head seems to be tiny in comparison with the rest of his body such that he is starting to resemble a bear. All i can see in his sparkly big black eyes is the plea for more fooood. [although there isnt lack of it in his cage]

Stupid blogger was not working yesterday when i had things to rant about so I spent 5 hours venting my frustrations by drawing a picture instead, from around 6 to 11+pm. There are so many imperfections in it i found but i'm too lazy to correct them. [or rather, i don't really know how to as well.] Whatever la. I shall not care about people who are mean and ungrateful.

Anyway i am here primarily to talk about my dream this morning. I dreamt that suddenly, while looking out at the coast from the house I was in, I saw the waves seem to get stronger and stronger, and it started to push an island out of place and make it collapse into mud. This, being big news, was then related to the people who were with me [i don't know who other than my sis], and we were all in shock and fear and jumped into a car to get out of the place. When we were driving out, suddenly there was this HUGE ship right in front of us. Like, literally directly in front, the tip was almost touching the hood of our car and it was humongous and made of faded red planks. It started to move forward a bit so we tried to move as well, but it slipped back and i remember preparing myself for death as we could have been crushed. It was seriously quite frightening. Then we saw other people getting away on motorbikes, and the motorbikes in my dream were not like those you usually see on the streets, but they were slightly translucent, white and very very sleek. There were empty ones lying around so i told my sis to jump onto one and she was like "siao ah" but did it anyway. And then we sped down the road as the waves crashed behind us and finally got to this house. Because everyone was soaking wet, they wanted to get changed, i don't know why it would make a difference. But the waves were coming and i tried to warn them but nobody would listen. The house got swallowed up in the water and when we looked out the windows, there was nothing but water all around. The water was totally clear clear blue and we could see through it for miles. I don't remember how it ended from here...

wa not bad. i reached home in 1hour. such ulu timing the bus all very fast.

I'm almost half dead from starvation. So eating now.
today was an interesting day. It's Chris's birthday. I had to go get present [nobody else seemed to have time to get :/] so went with my sisters to TM to find it. Consulted Fuddy [yay thanks], wa so scared i buy wrongly -.- The people in the shop went to bounce the ball after they pumped it and i think they dirtied it a bit -.- there was like a blackish spot there [maybe no one noticed hah.] Anyway, i went to find Charbi after that cuz we had to add on to the present since its from so many people! Ama and daniel were there and they had bian tai ideasssss. [my idea so nice and appropriate can.] They always seem to like to give people bian tai things lo. Oh and they seem to have something against 77th street, but i don't really know why, haha but they were so strongly disapproving of it that i decided not to mention that i actually like it [hi-5 fuddy]. So in the end we really did get something not very normal. Shall not type it here.

After that we set off for Chris's house AND GOT LOST. walked and walked and walked. AND we got freaked out by an automatic gate. We were walking past when the gate opened suddenly! then charlyn jumped, then i was like WHOA[because i just noticed the moving gate], then she got shocked by me and was like AAAH. And it was a total chain reaction man... Automatic gates are super scary okay.

We made it finally, just in time before Charlyn ---- haha nvm shall not say, she might kill me. And there was NO ONE THERE. the dog was like super fierce and barking at us but she was taken away aww. So Chris's mom opened the gate for us [automatic scary gate] and we just waited for everyone else to come.

The whole party was like some guy's party man, but there was a lot of funny and lame stuff so not bad, at least the guys are funny. but i dunno whats with the size jokes [how come i don't respond to them like i would have if i was still in primary school i.e. KICKASS. must be cuz i grew out of it! anyway its so lame juz laugh]

So for the rest of the time we played random games like charades, naming songs and bands with colours or numbers in them, and guessing song names from their lyrics [GRAH, i didnt guess the linkin park one though i only knew it was linkin park. the atmosphere was not very good for thinking!] The guys stayed on to watch some lame movie while the girls went back after that.

Haha, parties are weird, give me headache. But as long as the right people are there it can be quite entertaining.

note: sigh, should i have to explain myself? i don't think there is much point. those who know what happened know what happened so that's that. I didn't choose him over her. but it worked out to seem like that. okay. the end.

dammit this feeling sucks.

not only do i fear the worst for teacher meeting tmr but i am also in a sad sad dilemma.

dammit.

wa wa wa the party last night was so crazy it took away my sleep. Haha yes. I didnt sleep again last night! The noise was trapped in my head and couldnt get out and my mind kept replaying the events and the noise and the chaos and so it couldnt get to rest. Anyway I survived piano cuz when I get up in this state i'm usually not tired [until now cept that i can't go sleep now cuz i have to go buy lunch soon-ish].

Philosophy is killing all my brain cells slowly. Every word I read, I can feel it reaching out and squishing those little cells of mine. I'm just trying to get research for my IS! But they always talk in such a confusing way that I have to read the same sentence over and over again to understand it. Maybe I'm just slower or stupider in addition to the fact that I have very bad reading skills. I need to train to read faster or I'll never finish Great Expectations. Oh, I wanted to laugh when I saw the context passage for Lit common test cuz I had never seen it before, meaning it must have come from volume 3, which i have yet to have associations with. I really must improve on this point. Things cannot go on this way!

Hooray. I'm home from Charlyn's birthday party! Wow this is like the first real party ive been to and its super high and noisy man. Anyway it was a white themed party so everyone was supposed to wear white! Most of us were making noise cuz we didnt have FULL white but in the end everyone mostly wore half white anyway.

Anyway anyway xr and I went early! To help Charbi arrange food and stuff, and then we hid in the room cuz we didn't know most of the people who were there! [They were RJ people and council people] We also went outside to make friends with the little black kitten. And then we continued hiding until the 04 people came, yayyy. Then we came out and paraded around them happily. We spent most of the time zi highing cuz it was kinda chaotic and well if you don't zi high you will be quite sian.

We waited so long for huiwei and fuddy to come! So we could finally take charbi's present out of the fridge and show her. It was a bouquet of EIGHTEEN WHITE ROSES okayy, and like SUPER NICE [i bought it yay] and i totally felt like we were gonna marry her. We even gave her a white dress, like a wedding dress.

So the 04 bunch watched everyone play group games [hardly knowing what was going on] and then finally, cut cake! Charbi gave this cool speech [wa so brave] and touched all our hearts with her words! Then the other half of 04 bunch left cuz everyone lives so far away except for me [wahahah.] and huiwei, fuddy, xr, joycelyn and I stayed behind to hide in the room and play card games. And then we decided we should leave too cuz huiwei and fuddy also stay far away and xr and joycelyn stay sorta far too so yeaaa.

What tiring things, parties are. Charlyn's parents are super nice to her! I feel quite drained from zi highing. Especially when i was surviving on water the whole time cuz i kept drinking the drinks and then became too full for the food. And I have piano tomorrow which I havent practised for oh no.

I am so sad. I didnt sleep at all last night! You know how horrible it is to just lie there in bed and not be able to fall asleep!? Well i experience it all the time, but never so horrible as yesterday. I didnt fall asleep at all, not for a minute, not for a moment, not even a second. I was awake all the way, listening to the sounds around me, my sis on the phone, my other sis coming home, my bro mentioning moving the mouse cage outside, Morse had died. My sis sobbing.

I lay there with my eyes closed hoping that just for a while, maybe for an hour or so, i would fall asleep. But nothing happened. And soon it was 530 and time to get up.

On Sunday night i went to sleep at 1030pm because i was soo tired from not being able to sleep the day before. Of course i lay there till 12+ and longer before i finally did sleep for a while, and then woke up at 830 automatically. I didnt get up cuz i was still so tired so i continued sleeping and had a dream about becoming a robot and ended up waking at 11 instead.

On saturday night i went to sleep at 1+ and was awake until 430, where i checked the clock and sighed to myself with deep disappointment. I had to wake up at 830 to go get xr's present. I think I fell asleep soon after checking the clock because i think i dreamt of something. Anyway when i woke up I wasnt really tired somehow.

The day before the first day of CTs, I didnt sleep as well, just lay there with my mind wide awake but my eyes half asleep and when I woke up I was barely tired. That night I didn't really sleep again and almost fell asleep during my bio paper the next day. I was reading the questions so slowly cuz my mind was half asleep. I just wanted it to end so i could sleep... for a while...

Just before school reopened i started losing my ability to sleep and one day after not sleeping at night, i stayed up all the way until 2+ on purpose so that i would sleep that night. I did manage to fall asleep for that day. But it made me exceedingly tired to stay up so i didnt continue trying to stay up just to fall asleep.

I don't know whats wrong with me, I must let you know, I don't take afternoon naps! And I don't have a strangely reversed sleeping clock or something like that. I'm forcing myself to stay awake now and not nap so that hopefully tonight I will sleep. It's so tiring. I cant concentrate on any work. I'm just brain dead.

At least I'm sure I don't have the terrible Fatal Familial Insomnia disease. It's horrible. It starts affecting its victims at the later stages of life and the person just slowly becomes unable to sleep. The exhaustion then makes them unable to speak, unable to walk, unable to eat. Everything just fades away. They become delirious in their half-awake state, nothing makes sense anymore. After 3 long months of suffering from exhaustion, they finally die of fatigue. It's a hereditary disease and its autosomal dominant so offspring have a 50% chance of inheriting it. Worse, there's no cure.

I just hope tonight I'll sleep, at least, for tonight. I need some strength back. Need to do my KI IS stuff but my brain battery now is so flat. Tomorrow. Tomorrow will be a better day, i hope.

my sister thinks we mine gold for a living. She's hardly even making one and yet she keeps talking about going to places like Florence to study. It's Euros mind you!! And then my oldest sis happily swings along saying we can all be penniless and then you[meaning me] and cor[meaning my brother] can support the family.

Irresponsible toots who only think for themselves!!

Such lofty dreams that can only be achieved at the expense of others'! I have long given up on my hopes to doing what i want. Not like that will make me happy knowing I will be making a such a selfish choice.

Everyone says we should reach for our dreams and not give up on them and stuff. But not like you can just do what you want without giving a hoot about the people you should be responsible for.

I won't chase my dreams blindly.

Yay! Today was a nice day out with Huiwei first then Xiu Rong!

Met huiwei in the morning to get presents for xiu rong! We didn't tell xiu rong so it would be a surprise! [how apt since we gave her "supplies!"] Anyway we went to place that we shall not reveal and bought her like THREE SETS OF CLOTHING. Walked sooo long to find the right stuff. We searched for round 2 and a half hours and then went to have luncheon at fareast [where we were gonna meet xiu rong to get ANOTHER present for ANOTHER person] We had shrooms meal cuz it was the cheapest we could find especially after all the present buying, we had to have a budget lunch.

Anyway so we met xiu rong and sang her a birthday song with her "cake"! And she made a wish and blew out her "candles"! Yayy. Then we gave her her present and it was all very nice and exciting.

So after that we set out to buy present for person no.2~ Managed to find something nice too! And then it rainedd as we went home.

cool. CTs are over. And i'm cleaning my table. I found something interesting, its my diary with my transition state from primary school to secondary 1. And it's quite angsty. heh. Oh theres something lame in it, about orientation:

"Today we were supposed to say our names and tell the class what we did that we thought was uncommon. I knew i was going to say this: "I'm desiree and i like to imagine create and draw all kinds of weird things." I was going to say that, but i was scared, nothing came out. I only managed the first two words... I feel like Charlie Gordon in Flowers for Algernon"

Even now I doubt I would have been able to make an introduction like that anyway. And i feel so stupid now, i haven't read a book for a long time.

Lol, heres another:
"It's always normal to fight. We do it all the time. We don't usually make friends, we make peace." [my view on guys]

and:
"What shall i do about Public speaking? Prepare a wonderful speech and be too afraid to read it. No! I will... I will read it. but I'm quiet. I cant become noisy."

Omg. My diary is hilarious:
"I saw [i think i shall protect his identity] at the bus stop. Or rather, girlgirl. He did something sick. I dunno if he was doing to me or what but he unbuttoned 1st button. Normal. Then he opened his shirt like holding the buttoning sides and pulling them outwards. The he looked so sick. Anyway he looked at me while doing that. Not fun. Anyway he looked more like a girl than ever when he did that. I cant explain how sick i felt after seeing that. Goodness. He gave a really guy look. That's what's so sick. He shouldnt do that with a girl face..."

Reading my diary, i can see that i'm definitely not the me i was then, now. I've become noisy. Dam. When did that even start?
My diaries are the ultimate emo shyt. Keep talking about going to kill myself and so on.
But now, well i guess my parents changed, the people around me changed.
It became okay to live.

I also found out that my grandfather died on the exact same day i was born. Maybe that's why my life is so cursed.

I'm glad i kept a diary cuz now i have a 6 year old dead fir tree leaf from christmas.

Oh and i can see that i really hated guys like to the ultimate unbeatable extent. Always say "yucks" when so and so says so and so like you so and so on. I think i was ready to become a nun then.

There's also this line that says:
"i gave a bashing to [pri sch guy] for telling [pri sch guy] my phone number."

Ever since i came to NJ i stopped hitting people[maybe a bit in IP1]. I guess it's a good thing but sometimes they really deserve some pain! And i also started talking only in NJ. NJ made me change a lot.

Anyway i shall end off on a more positive line that i wrote, being quite an animal fanatic.
"I hope this book will make people not harm foxes and forgive the foxes for stealing the turkey. Afterall, it's their lifestyle"

Invitational Shoot today was GOOD!

I took up at least 7 different duties throughout the course of the event! How enriching and exciting! I'm not being sarcastic! Here is the breakdown!

1. Secretary: Take down minutes and find sponsors
2. Help paint banner [YEA im proud of my trailblazer logo! I must show it to Kaisheng.]
3. Go get challenge trophy from Mr. Lee
4. Scoring duty
5. Range officer duty
6. Run and buy gift for guest of honour with nicole and wrap it
7. Pass medals to guest of honour

I have no idea whose Job it was to get the challenge trophy but xiu rong just called me at 1+ on monday to go get it from Mr. Lee at 5+ on the same day! Wa piang! Why so last minute one! Anyway, it wasnt a bad experience.

I decided scoring was quite enjoyable so i stayed in the room all day long helping xiu rong who was pretending not to be stressed [yes, fly away to thailand so you wont see this and scold me anytime soon!] except at the third detail where i went out to watch wenying shoot. She shot uber well. Nuff Tuff Fluff Luff said.

The teachers decided that bouquets werent enough for the guest of honour so nicole and I flew away to find a gift! We settled for choco cuz there was nothing else nearby! It is quite a considerably rural area there at CDANS... Anyway we had to fly back in the cab cuz the guest of honour was coming in 10 minutes and we had to wrap the present, make a bow and balh blah blahe.

Afters we took pictures non stop because Qiaowei just kept setting the timer on her camera to shoot off while we waited for Yan Hui and Shermain to be done with their superior talk with the guest of honour, vice principal and friends.

And finally to end off, pastamania dinner with rifle boys, rifle girls and pistol boys where it was revealed to us many interesting stories about the junior level! My oh my. I didnt know such funky stuff existed.

Well, i must congratulate Yan Hui for doing a good job in being the overall IC of this invitational shoot! Yayyy [i hope she is glad to have been given the chance too C:]

Happy fun and mince beans with gloomy flavour cheese apple pasta hamster.

well i guess some errands are worth running, but still, my appetite is not back yet. There was a funny uncle at the place where i went to find Mr.Lee. He saw that i was bored waiting for him so he told me a lot of lame stuff and gave me haw candy. Ops. i forgot that i wasnt supposed to take candy from strangers.

Everyone seems to be gone. There's no one to talk to. Life is so bleak.

I wonder how the creases on my hands came about. If i kept my palms open for the longest time would those creases go away? I wonder i wonder.

sigh do i really have nothing better to do than do slave labour for people. Just came back from buying lunch for starving people who would rather starve than go get food. Have to go run another errand later in the midst of my attempts to do my IS.

Knowing seems to hurt me. Not knowing would not have killed me. But still i chose to know.

In what way would it be sad not to be able to feel? I think i would like it very much, although if it was, i would not have to think about whether i like it or not, because i would not feel anything about not feeling anything, which would make everything much much better.
I do not want to feel anything.

-------------------------------
My days have been filled to the brim since Friday. Archery invitationals on friday and saturday and adidas sundown on saturday night and mega ip bbq on sunday and piano on monday morning. So i have been out of the house since the wee hours of the morning to the wee hours at night for many days.

I wont say it hasnt been fun but i ought to be doing things i ought to be doing now.

Yes i really must be getting to it.

Yet my state of mind right now does not put me in the right condition. I am tired, i don't feel like doing anything.

hm.

some shytface is still making stupid remarks and comments thinking he is still running the club i see. Unfortunately for him, he is still a shytface in the eyes of many. Sending nasty things to other people who are trying to help, are you? Thats exactly what stupid retards do and you have proven yourself to be a fine figure of a retard. Making stupid suggestions thinking your suggestion is the best all the time. It's not like we cannot function and are not functioning on our own. Why should we listen to some idiot who cares only about his own bloody feelings and makes himself out to be sad and pathetic. You're just pissed off because not everyone is listening to you, not because what you suggest is the correct answer and it should be followed.

You think that because a person doesnt go down to the range often means they are not caring about their people, means others think they dont have to go down as often also, means they should not be captain?

Think about who you wanted to be captain so badly you were forcing her, thinking you were not, making her almost break down. i heard her voice when she said it, there was so much pressure. See if she herself even goes down that often.

She knows that which is why she is making her own choice, not having you make it for her.

In case you did not know, there are other ways of showing care for people. Ops! You probably don't know what that word means.

One-sided mind.
If you had any at all.

No wonder i am such a bad-luck-bringer. Even before i was born such terrible things happened on various February 3rds! I didnt know it was The Day The Music Died, i remember my sis telling me about it when i was like in primary school. And then it was also the day of the worst natural disaster New Zealand experienced [an earthquake at Hawke's Bay]. And also the day when the communist party of Vietnam was established.

Of course there are a bunch of cooler stuff among those terrible things, like various spacecraft missions. Could this be why i wanted to be an astronaut from the day i was born? [i abandoned this dream because of height restrictions among other things] Also the lowest temperature in North America was recorded in Snag, Yukon[That's in Alaska! What a coincidence that i always wanted to go there] on this day as well, a whopping -63 degrees Celsius.

But there were at least 2 plane crashes and 2 earthquakes and... a baghdad market bombing that killed 135 people[in 2007] quite recently. And also various WWI and WWII incidents happened on this day as well, but i'm sure other dates may have many too since the wars were long?


Oh a bunch of mathematicians and racing drivers were born on this day and even philosophers! But the world is so big. Surely many interesting people are born almost everyday. I am just writing this for my self-amusement.

came home early today. Met with an unpleasant human being. Never knew my mother had such lowly a foul-mouthed student man. He is like the ultimate bane of this planet. He was talking big about passing his math test [by getting 44/80 for section A and 31/60 for section B] and still saying instead of studying he went to play lan and still pass despite also anyhow doing his paper. What a retard-head. Then he kept saying, this year O lvl confirm fail cuz i only pass every 3 years and was mightly proud about it. Fail then still come here for what. Irritate people, waste your mother's money and waste my mother's time. Go eat shyt la. He also kept scolding his sister retarded, loser, etc etc because she didnt do well for her test. What kind of screwed up kid is this man. I bet he thinks he's so cool but the truth is he's jus s frickin loser himself. I'm so frickin pissed off that he can't just shut up cuz he's interupting my mom's lesson with his sis. When my mom said she will give him more test papers he said, "then i throw away" with the ah beng hand action. ASS-FACE. Killing the trees for such an UNWORTHY idiotic creep.

My mom is trying to teach the little girl about triangles and he is being stupid by interrupting every sentence she says e.g. by saying some triangles have 181 degrees. I feel like stuffing tissue paper into his eye sockets. Walao, seriously he should just GND right now. He's breathing the precious air of my house and he deserves not one square inch of it. [Now he's commenting about charging his sister an interest rate of $1 for every half an hour that passes cuz she owes him money for lunch. What kind of ungracious behaviour is that.]

Is he suffering from attention deficiency? Or Hyperactivity? If so, i will forgive him for his stupidity. But if he is a normal and healthy individual, then blast that crapass.

Updates to life.

Georgy is the new member of my family. He is a baby mynah that my sister saved. He is super adorable and looks like a dinosaur. Now he's sleeping in a little basket. He looks very scrawny and has been through a tough day. I hope he survives so dad can teach him to fly like Peeper!

Squall had a great escape recently. I put him in the hamster ball to run around in the room while i went to wash his wheel and fill the water bottles. When i came back, the ball was empty!! The cap had fallen off! Squall was gone! Omg. I got a shock. But he had to be somewhere in the room, so i looked around a bit, and then he emerged from underneath a red bag, with a dust bunny on his nose. Oh how i picked him up and hugged him. I will never lose you again Squall. You are my onlyy my onlly oneee...

I feel like my life has come to a stand still. I havent done anything new, things are just repeating repeating. It's like not progressing. I don't know what im doing.

sigh.wai.

oh but i have succeeded in one thing. That is, being quite emotionless to certain people. yahoo.

you said there wasnt any use. But what a contradiction. It made you shut up, at least, for a reasonable amount of time. But someone like you is hard to shut up anyway.

What a ridiculous message. You cant even type a word as simple as that correctly, even with the dictionary function. And why would you miss it anyway, not like you even liked it or appreciated it for that matter.

You never appreciate anything until its gone.

Good thing it is.
----------------------------------------
what have i been doing all day? Chemistry chemistry chemistry.

is it even helping? I do not know. With this primitive brain of mine, it's hard to understand anything about this planet. Especially the people in it.

Nope, i don't get them at all.

whatever you say is downright and utterly disgusting. induces vomitting.

Retarded, thats for you, to think that this make-belief is actually true. Retarded cuz you are SLOW to realize that all that was created by you. I NEVER introduced them as YOU KNOW WHAT, unlike YOU. And you KNOW WHY. Because i don't believe in your retarded-ness like the way you do.

This is not dreaming. This is OBSESSING.

Your arguments never work.

i never wanted to play that silly game.

Hearing that from you is GROSS.
You just sound so obsessed with that imaginary family.

Old pestilent fogey, you don't have to keep reminding me to bring a jacket cuz i don't need one. Havent used one in that place since moons ago.

Waste 20cents of my phone bill. Just like those craps who keep calling wrong number and call my phone.

Your voice, i hate to hear it.
Your number, i hate to see it.

stop contacting me.

wow i cant describe this feeling im having now.

It's sweet and sour, tingly, squeaky. I don't know.

It's from watching the lakehouse.

*Spreads wings and flies into sky*

i had the ultimate crapping session with Crispy TEO today. it was

HILARIOUS.

We couldnt stop laughing, she couldnt stop laughing, and cuz she was laughing, i couldnt stop laughing! It was so totally random, the things we were talking about, its not even explainable.

:D How nice it is to crap with her. Lol.s.

~pooh bear winnie the pooh bear~

my cousin is weird.

I entered the house today. He was there for tuition. He turned around and stared at me. Then I said what? Then he said, hello. Then i said, okay hello. Then he continued staring. Then he said, you look wet. And turned back.


Strange kid. I was only a little wet, it rained.

We don't usually talk.

don't even think i will spare time for you to infiltrate your dreams. It's not my doing its only your own. Stop your disillusioned self and you better leave me alone.

A being on Earth but not really the same
Can't talk to others like the others do
Feel separate from the world, and it doesnt matter
Talking to me i know myself better.


She walked along the empty streets
Streets empty, filled with voids
Around the corner she turns and meets
The ghost from the polaroids
It says to her to turn around and go back that way to the town
Live with the people like you should
If you try you know you could

but i hate them. I hate them.

wish they'd all go away.
Or if only i could instead.

An overview of life

Commitments:
1. Studying
2. Club/Team
3. Piano
4. Friends/Family/Hamsters
5. TV




Hey, you, judgemental loser shyt. Do you think you are an angel yourself?

i am watching the sixth sense for the fourth time. I am hungry. Very hungry. Hungry beyond words.


I hate chemistry lesson.

oh i had to wear contacts to sch today[left over from obs time] cuz i lost my specs the night before down the side of the bed in the darkness. Didnt have time to find it before going to school cuz dad would start doing tribal dances if we left the house later than 6:15am. Found it when i got home, somehow my mom didnt manage to spot it caught between the bedposts and the wall. Well it's found now and all is well.

Did you know?

There're horror movies on every friday and saturday night on tv! Ain't that awesome?

I love horror movies. But no one wants to watch 'em with me! generally. Why! Horror movies are so nice. Unfortunately i have to stay up to watch them.

this is all very random. I have nothing else to write but i just feel like it.

i'm at home! how nice.

I'm alone at home. I'm super hungry. I want to sleep. But now i don't feel like it anymore.

I'm super hungry. Wait, did i just mention that?

I have a super headache. But i have super a lot of homework to do.

I shall try to sleep early tonight since there are no horror movies on.

Actually, Squall, and the mices

Cleaned their cages today. Squall met Actually at the railings of Actually's cage when he was allowed to run freely and they started fighting between the bars!! Grah. Looks like they have to stay separated for permanent.

Here is Actually about to sleep.

Here is Actually having some kueh bankit

Here is Squall emo-ing in a corner

huddled in my sis's shirt. He was ready to catapult himself to the moon any moment.

Here is Squall doing his favourite pasttime

Here are my sister's mice looking very inquisitive. The one on the rightmost looks like he's saying: "look over yonder!"

PINKY HUIWEI'S 18TH BIRTHDAY
ESCAPE THEMEPARK

Congratulations to huiwei! She can finally runaway and get married without parent consent! Heheh. Anyway we went to escape! But we only took 3 rides and went through the stupid haunted house! The first ride was the go-carts and we waited 40minutes for it... -.- It's the first time i ever go-carted by myself! I developed a phobia of it after some people crashed into the go-cart containing me and my bro[who was driving] when i was just a small lil kid. I still remember the facilitator guy was pissed at those people because of their reckless driving and scolded them! Serve them right for making a little girl cry. Fudi's cart ran out of gas at the top of the slope so he had to suntan there while i went past him wahaha.
The next ride was the flume! It's awesome! I didnt get very wet cuz i was sitting in front since i was wearing shoes and didnt want them to get wet. Xiu Rong was in the same log as i was and she got VERY wet! So did Fuddy, who was sitting in the one with huiwei in front. Xiu Rong said she was gonna crap in her pants when we were going up the 15meter slide lol. The drop was DAM long. I am surprised i managed to sustain such a long exclamation of helplessness. The feeling was awful but awesome at the same time. I was squirming all over the seat during the drop. The viking people were laughing at us cuz the viking bridge was just above the flume ride!! Mean!
After that we went to the stupid haunted house, where Xiu Rong and I basically walked blind through the whole thing led by Huiwei andFudi haha. I only looked at one display and almost died. The stupid thingy fell forward right beside me. I have no idea how i survived going first in the haunted house during Funtasia. I must have been braver then. What happened to me!
Finally we ended off with shuang yakult ride. It was so no kick and xiu rong, who was beside me, was SMSING!!! I cant stand her. lol.

All the other got kick rides were closed! Whoohoo. I hate rides that make my heart feel like jumping out through my skin. I remember the last time i rode the pepsi ride during the dunman shooting outing, i seriously, almost died. I was gonna fall out of the seat and was holding on for my dear life and being very helpless. And the last time i sat on the viking in pri4 at sentosa during gep outing. I was screaming to be let off but they ignored me.

never again.

Anyway since it was so boring there, we went to ehub instead! Also my first time going there~ We went to the arcade and played my favourite bball game first!! But Xiu Rong went to scan the card FOUR TIMES cuz she didnt know it registered already!! So we had to play FOUR TIMES. Our arms were so dead by the 3rd time. We had a challenge at the last round and my arm was dying so badly, towards the end, all the balls stopped reaching the net though they were on target!! No matter how, they just touched and went. I only got 99 lol. But it was super fun.
Then as usual, spot the difference, which was quite bian tai, the pictures were bian tai!! And then crazy button pressing games, some UFO cheat money games, ghost whacking game which we played on free credits which were somehow in the machine haha.

We were quite tired by then, and huiwei needed to go off, so off we went!

I went to White Sands with xiu rong to look for some thingy that she wanted to get, then to Tampines with her to continue looking and also so that she could go to Artbox for the first time. Then at toys R us, xiu rong made the best comment ever at a littlest pet shop pet.

Me: "This is so cute!"

Xiu Rong: "Is that a mosquito?"

WHY WOULD THEY MAKE A MOSQUITO PET!?!?!?

i exploded into laughter and melted to the group and xiu rong had to mop me up.

It was a seahorse by the way.

Anyway after that she was summoned home by her parents so we had to go. Awwwww..

A fun day it was!

Meeeem-ries.. all alone in the mooonlight.... i can smile at the ooold dayss....

NATIONALS 2009!

BIG ARG!



SUITS!

SH2S! [i like the polaroids, thus am holding them!]

KELLY'S STUFFTOYS OVERWHELMING!


POLAROID SENIORS!

MASQUERADE!

ARG!

LET'S KILL SOMEBODY!

HAPPY

GUNS!

CDANS TEAM!

ARG AT CDANS!

ARG UPSIZED!

Played bball with CS, Chris and some ip3 boys during PE today!

It was fun [although i didnt really move much harhar.] because i had a shooting streak! Somehow by some tyco stroke of luck i threw many balls in consecutively! How cool is that. [Usually im really bad at it.] And the last of my streak was really funky. It was from diagonally behind the net. And it just went in, somehow, leaving us all stunned. Whoo. But i missed the next shot of course, haha. It's only natural.

I got hit, on the head and in the face, by the ball though, which always happens -.-

I will never forget FUDI who threw a basketball that landed on my head [by accident] while i was walking innocently past the courts, back in dunman too! I didnt know him then, and he doesnt remember hitting me, of course.

CS commented that the ip3 boys even block girls [which is apparently bad] though i didnt really notice, but nvm cuz i won't be intimidated by them!!

Oh and i also played Squash on Tuesday during my free period with Xiu Hui and Jia Sheng! I can hit the ball! How amazing. The last time i tried, it kept flying right past the racket. I like it [as i like games that require some movement] because i'm tired of stoning in one spot growing fat in a sport.

I NEED TO MOVE! MOVE MOVE MOVE!!

Oh anyway i could play cuz i've finished the last napfa of my life. Everything A except C for sit and reach. I wonder if that will make me get silver instead of gold. If so, i will be very very sad indeed.

I keep thinking there's something i must say. But i don't really remember. I need to do some memory improvement exercises. Like pretending to know how to read. Lala.