I am so sad. I didnt sleep at all last night! You know how horrible it is to just lie there in bed and not be able to fall asleep!? Well i experience it all the time, but never so horrible as yesterday. I didnt fall asleep at all, not for a minute, not for a moment, not even a second. I was awake all the way, listening to the sounds around me, my sis on the phone, my other sis coming home, my bro mentioning moving the mouse cage outside, Morse had died. My sis sobbing.

I lay there with my eyes closed hoping that just for a while, maybe for an hour or so, i would fall asleep. But nothing happened. And soon it was 530 and time to get up.

On Sunday night i went to sleep at 1030pm because i was soo tired from not being able to sleep the day before. Of course i lay there till 12+ and longer before i finally did sleep for a while, and then woke up at 830 automatically. I didnt get up cuz i was still so tired so i continued sleeping and had a dream about becoming a robot and ended up waking at 11 instead.

On saturday night i went to sleep at 1+ and was awake until 430, where i checked the clock and sighed to myself with deep disappointment. I had to wake up at 830 to go get xr's present. I think I fell asleep soon after checking the clock because i think i dreamt of something. Anyway when i woke up I wasnt really tired somehow.

The day before the first day of CTs, I didnt sleep as well, just lay there with my mind wide awake but my eyes half asleep and when I woke up I was barely tired. That night I didn't really sleep again and almost fell asleep during my bio paper the next day. I was reading the questions so slowly cuz my mind was half asleep. I just wanted it to end so i could sleep... for a while...

Just before school reopened i started losing my ability to sleep and one day after not sleeping at night, i stayed up all the way until 2+ on purpose so that i would sleep that night. I did manage to fall asleep for that day. But it made me exceedingly tired to stay up so i didnt continue trying to stay up just to fall asleep.

I don't know whats wrong with me, I must let you know, I don't take afternoon naps! And I don't have a strangely reversed sleeping clock or something like that. I'm forcing myself to stay awake now and not nap so that hopefully tonight I will sleep. It's so tiring. I cant concentrate on any work. I'm just brain dead.

At least I'm sure I don't have the terrible Fatal Familial Insomnia disease. It's horrible. It starts affecting its victims at the later stages of life and the person just slowly becomes unable to sleep. The exhaustion then makes them unable to speak, unable to walk, unable to eat. Everything just fades away. They become delirious in their half-awake state, nothing makes sense anymore. After 3 long months of suffering from exhaustion, they finally die of fatigue. It's a hereditary disease and its autosomal dominant so offspring have a 50% chance of inheriting it. Worse, there's no cure.

I just hope tonight I'll sleep, at least, for tonight. I need some strength back. Need to do my KI IS stuff but my brain battery now is so flat. Tomorrow. Tomorrow will be a better day, i hope.