Okay I decided not to be so vengeful towards life. Yeayea my mood changes super fast.

On a lighter note, last night I dreamt I got married! It's one of the more interesting dreams I've bothered to remember recently (yea can choose whether to rmbr or not cool right) since my brain has been stale and not doing much freeflow. Anyway, I dreamt I was getting married to none other than my hunnybunny of course, otherwise it would be outrageous. It took place in one of the dunman classrooms, bigger than actual of course cuz dreams pull things out of proportion. And at the start I was running around looking for a dhs uniform?? I dunno why. But the dhs girls were there and discussing stuff like whether to wear sports shoes etc. I rmbr running through long long corridors that had wooden railings, nothing like dhs actually but that's just where my brain stated it to be. I was just looking for any spare uniform. No way am I getting married in dunman uniform in real life??

When I managed to find something to wear, I met back with the dhs girls and we went outside of school to walk around randomly? I forgot what happened here.

Anyway the procession itself was just like a church wedding, marching down an aisle with people on both sides. And it was dunman and nj people. I think the whole of 2K was there cuz there were specific faces I saw. And the walls were pinkish beige and there were flower petals falling from the ceiling. And everyone was clapping.

It was all just like a really happy affair and I woke up towards the end but just went back to sleep to continue the dream and it did continue, but those parts I don't remember anymore. I only clearly remember the scene where everyone was clapping.

In reality I don't think I will have a pink wedding.. Certainly won't be holding the actual procession at dhs. Probably will invite most ppl I saw in the dream, will not wear dhs or nj unifom or whatever school uniform as a wedding gown of course!! It's just not something to be worn on such a special day, when you used to wear it everyday and probably treat it like shyt too. There won't be pink walls but the flower petals sound nice...

My brain is imploding and I was supposed to go sleep several hours ago but stupid module bidding has ruined my life forever and ever. and will continue to do so until i get out of here!!! this evil place!!! its ruining my life!! but also crucial to it!! why is life so contradicting??

Bid points are soaring sky high and my allocated modules timetable sucks and clashes with everything under the sun. I HATE BIDDING. it's frustrating. grrr.

i need a pet bunny now.

See? If i had this in front of me, i wouldnt be half as pissed off.

yay! outing today with huiwei and xiurong was fun! so happy to be able to see them again after such a long time. it's been months or something. huiwei is now on the quest to becoming invisible and xiurong is advancing in technology as usual.

i must remember to take measurements later based on huiwei's documentary.

I think i spent too much money. But i couldn't care less cuz i had a good day.

Sadly im back home, facing my com screen again and soon to be looking through modules AGAIN. i cant stand it, why is it so marfan.

Bon voyage or non?

Stay tuned to find out!

Sleeplessness is Killing me

WHY.

WHY is the hot water not hot water?

WHHY.

On this cold post-christmas night, might i not have a cup of warm milo to tide me through?

How far deeper am i falling into this sleepless insanity?

Tribute to Christmas

Christmas bells and candy bars

baubles, angels, shiny stars

singing, laughing, ripping wrapping,

smell of turkey, children clapping,

glitter, sparkles, snowflakes, lights

shimmer, glaze and pretty sights

paper, metal, glass or plastic

music, magic, so fantastic,

Christmas cheer is in the air,

Confetti flying everywhere

everyone is having fun

while i am having none.

Actually the last two lines are just cuz they rhyme.

I just finished watching survivor Nicaragua and I'm super happy cuz a non-villanous person won! I'm super hungry now.

I haven't been making any clay stuff lately cuz I haven't got any inspiration to run on and planning modules and timetable is such a torture, everytime i'm done with it I feel like I've done a truckload of work and just wanna slack the rest of the time away. Which is what i'm doing now. Slacking~

Pet society had a silly glitch, they put the sale item as 6 coins instead of 600, which they corrected it to later, so I bought like a million of them and resold it and earned like 100k. Yay. Too bad they realised their mistake.

Christmas was uneventful for me. I'm only writing cuz I slept so much today i dunno when I'll ever be able to sleep again. I slept 5 hours in th afternoon, had a bad dream and woke up.

And I'm so hungry.

and my counter doesnt work anymore! have to put a new one and start from last i remembered what i saw which was a really long time ago...

Ughyggygh!! I can't sleep! It's 3am and I'm still not sleeping, I'm really turning into a zombie. Anyway I just decided to write a post cuz I dunno what else to do at this unearthly hour. It seems that recently i only write when I have a sudden burst of anger or inspiration otherwise this place is pretty much dead. I wonder who actually still reads this. Lol.

Whatever it's still fun so I shall continue writing.

I wish I could switch off my brain at certain times, especially when I'm left to my own thoughts, they really start running all over the place and spreading like baked cherries, and then sometimes there are angry thoughts about some idiot and I get so pissed off just thinking about stupid incidents and stupid me for letting them go on for such a long time and stupid me for letting the best things pass me by and taking all the pain and horror in between. It's over now but I still get haunted by incidents that piss me off or are really saddening. At these times I wish i could switch off and be done with it! Like now! Dude I wanna sleep but my mind is running and running and the other mind is thinking of something else at the same time! Yea I think my left and right brain think different things cuz I can feel thoughts on the left and thoughts on the right and it's so weird you can FEEL thinking. I don't do double thinking so well these days cuz I don't use my brain much.

Anyway I just wanna switch off and go sleep but here I am cuz my brain is overflowing I'm pouring out some crap here with no punctuations even. Okay there's one. Argg. Stop laming around go sleeeeepp!!

Bedok point is open yay! Going to explore tomorrow whee!

I CANT STAND IT!!! my house is worse than those on renovaid and NOBODY is going to help us!!! ARGGGHHH i cant even breathe in this cave. it's a dungeon. Theres an OVEN in the living room!!! ARGHGHGHAGHHH. MY ROOM HAS NO MORE WINDOW. the boxes are piled SKY HIGH and KISSING THE CEILING!! The air coming into my room comes through a hole i can measure with a ruler.

I wish i could just throw everything away and burn it in a huge bonfire and everyone will start all over.

I made a new blog for my miniatures. Yay. yesyes exams were over a long long time ago! actually just over a week ago. BUT IT FEELS LIKE ITS BEEN SO LOONGGG.. and ive been doing what ive been wanting to do all the time!!

YES. Make clay stuff! And ive been making them like crazy but only a tiny fraction of a corner of a crease of a scrap of a slip of abandoned clay is worthwhile showcasing. Because i still have a looongg loonnggg way to go to going somewhere with this. BUT i will not give in! rahahahaa i have so much time to spare now i must get something done!!

First post presents... TEMPURA!! yea yea yea after eating it at kiseki where it was so awesomely good i just had to make tiny versions of them. Now i can stare at them for a long time and reminisce and imagine dipping them in sauce.. and savouring the crispyness and eating even the tails.. and..

HUNGRY ALREADY?? okay la. my spinglish doesnt make it tempting enough. but go see it anyway? pleeeeeeeeeeeease.

entice you with kiseki food with cheesy fuzzy border.

Tempura did not take centre stage in the photos but it is really tasty!

ok la up to you.
http://mini-munchies.blogspot.com/ <---- go here see~

Yea im supposed to be going to sleep soon but i'm not really sleepy and im quite hyped up about studying geog now so i won't sleep just yet!

And i just feel like writing this cuz i havent for a long time and its always annoying cuz the whole post will run through my head, everything i want to say and all, while im not at the com and by the time i get to the com, i dont bother with it anymore and anyway most of the stuff i wanted to say fades away.

It always works like that somehow. I always want to do the thing that i cant do at the moment the most and then when i can do it i'm barely into it. Okay maybe not this time, since i really got down to typing im doing it properly.

But its the exam period and what;s the number one thing i wanna do? (other than seeing honeybun which goes without saying so doesnt count)

MAKE CLAY STUFF.

i know i know. i actually do have chances to do it but when i sit down with the bitlets and scraps laid all around me and my quivering rusty penknife in my hand, i dont know what to do. It's like all my inspiration flies away in a wink of a skink.

But now im really hyped up about it! I think about it all dayyy. In between reading about monsoons and wind patterns and chemical reactions and mushrooms. I keep thinking about whats the next thing im gonna try ONCE THE EXAMS ARE OVER. And eveerything is spoilt by that reminder, ONCE THE EXAMS ARE OVER. once the exams are over, will i still have the same desire?

THESE EXAMS BETTER BE OVER FAST. whether im ready or not. Im ready for it to be over.
NOW!

今日はいそがしいですね！
Chemistry はあまりおもしくないです。
Chemistryがきらいです。
どうしてChemistryおべんきょうしたしか。
わかりません。

今私はChemistryのレクチャがあります。
いろいろのreactionおならいますから、むずかしいです。
わたしはわかりません。

I HATE ANTS.

DOES THEIR POPULATION REALLY NEEEEEEED TO BE THAAAT HUGE???

come on! keystone species or otherwise! there's just TOO MANY of them!!

i need to get an anteater.

I had a series of dreams last night

1. I was brought to a haunted house where my sister was and she was normal at first but gradually became possessed. There was a part where the person who brought me here was trying to make me go into the kitchen but somehow I knew the kitchen had all the spirits so I acted normal trying to divert the course of action to another location. Then I looked into the bedroom and saw my sis sitting on the bed, her back facing me. She was holding an umbrella and her hair was tied in two long flowing ponytails and her hair was black and she was rocking back and forth. I was so upset I jumped onto her and yelled and screamed at the spirits to let her go but then I think I died cuz I woke up.

2. I had to submit something to the lab and there were two ways in but I didn't wanna take the lift for some reason I cannot fathom. So I entered by the door on the 4th story but the place for submission was on the 1st. I had to cross over a lot of things scattered on the floor and there were two lab ppl there telling me where to go. When I had to go downstairs they said there wasn't a stair, I had to go down through a hole in the ground. I didn't think it a problem until I was down the hole and there wasn't a ladder. There was a cloth that I had to pull ina certain way to support my going down. I suceeded initially but then I slipped and there was a long way to falling and I fell, and gasped as I woke up.

3. There was a civilization of strange creatures that were like gremlins but there were also normal animals like beavers and they were part of a game my brother played but I only found that out later in the dream. I was watching them live. They were having a power struggle, the evil guy seemed to be winning. A gremlin like creature was somehow bound to each leader and if the leader wouldn't let them
go they were bound forever. This particular gremlin was bound to an evil leader and he was trying to escape, but failed and was facin his doom. The other gremlins tried to help but they didn't succeed either because the evil was too much for them to bear. Then I saw a flashback scene where the gremlin was agreeing to be bound with the evil leader because he lost faith in the good one and thus this was all really his fault and no one could really save him. It ended with my brother seeing the creatures and exclaiming hey it's Torr! Which was apparently the name of the game. And I saw a poster of it and there was White powdery stuff which could be smudged about to change the setting of the picture which was the Torr characters at the bottom under a deep blue cloudless sky. I smudged the White powder into clouds that spelt 'hello' and hoped my brother would notice.

4. There was a house warming at a huge White house but i don't know who's house it was. I didn't stay there very long becuase I went for dinner with Lyrad n Js and his sister whom Ive never even met in real life and it was at a restaurant with orange lights and we sat at a round table in a corner and we ate too much and js's sister wanted to take a photo but only with me and not the guys and she was very happy with the photo, she gave me a high five. I woke up with a stomachache. From something I ate in a dream. How weird is that? And the stomachache faded away by itsel without me doing anything.

5. Somewhere in one of my dreams I ate a
lot of pizza but I don't rememer which dream
it was though I think it was the Torr one.

And that sums up my night of 29th October, or otherwise my morning of the 30th. The first dream woke me at 4+am. The first two dreams should be reversed for the order to be correct.

Im swallowing back the lump in my throat
really trying not to feel anything
counter it by deeply breathing
breathing... And breathing...
But still the lights still keep on dimming
the ceiling is a lake above me
quivering... And quivering
In my eyes there's something brimming...
The scale is clearly tipping...
There's never really a balance
when there's too much feeling...

Every time i use my tongue to touch the central incisors on the lower half of my jaw i feel like a rodent.

do you feel that way too?

こんばんは！

きのういそがしいですから、すこしねました。それはたいへんでした。
今日の午後よくねました！クラスへいきませんでした。
わるいですね。

しかし、そのだいじょうぶ。

あしたがんばって！

*******************************
my first attempt at a japanese blog post to practice my jap. unfortunately its so bad i cant express much other than the general idea of too much homework, no time, no sleep.

heres a translation:
Good evening!

I was busy yesterday so i slept little. it was tiring.
this afternoon i slept a lot! I didnt go for a class.
bad aint it.

but its okay.

better luck tmr!

Yea thats the end. i bet there are some inaccuracies here and there but nvm. when i learn more i will know haha. As for now i can only manage this primary school sounding talk! Thou shalt work hard!!

This was on the trees outside my house today! And my house meaning in a HDB estate, seen from the 8th floor, not some cool jungle private housing kind of house. It's a white bellied sea eagle juvenile! Identified by my dad of course, no way i would know just by looking at it fly past me. It just flew past our window and landed on a tree, so it was about the size of the nail on your little finger and my dad said, eh! theres a white bellied sea eagle outside! its not supposed to be here but its there! And he went to grab the binoculars and i was thinking, how in the world do you even see what bird it is. so we looked at it through the binoculars and it was coool. It was beeeg. You know, small in a far away sense but big in a, ah, you know what i mean. An eagle! On an HDB tree! And he said its a juvenile, well but, it looks grown up to me.

But the grown up one looks like this:

Fit and Feisty. So clearly theres a BEEG diff. And it explains the name anw. An inexperienced numbthumb like me wouldnt know.

Sadly we dont have any pro cameras :C so we couldnt take a picture of it... Arg. I really want a pro camera now. Miss capturing all the good stuff.

A Story of a little girl
Lonely in her own dark world
Only shadows she can see
Nothing here is ever real
Everything just lies still.

Memories just become dreams
nothing's ever as it seems...

Halloween at Night Safari (again!) 2010

Yes! Night safari halloween again! This year it was chinese horror theme or sth cuz there were chinese character-ed signs and more chinese ghosts than last last year. And there was a GUI HOUSE. what the lame name man! It was literally written as that on the signboard. but it looked quite funky. There wasnt a gui house the last time i went though and i expected it to be super scary so i was super frightened to go in! But i did anyway because honey bunches was there and we went in a group of 3 with an indian guy who was very enthu. First there was this creepy woman who FOLLOWED US and STEPPED ON MY SHOE! and freaked me out of course. Thank goodness i didnt see her face or i might have died right there and then. According to honey bunches the make up was really scary. The indian guy made sound effects everytime he whipped open the curtains to the next room! But it seemed like nothing jumped out at us. I think. Not sure cuz i wasnt really looking hah. There was a guy cleaning blood off the floor also but he didnt jump at us either. And in the room of mummies i raelly thought someone was gonna jump out! But no one did. So the whole time i was just scaring myself and squealing to feel better. It really does make you feel better! Oh! But a guy did pop out of the wall saying "want some companyyy?~?~?!~" in a creepy growl and shocked us all.lol.

gui house concluded very fast and it was on to tram! Yay the tram was quite awesome. the aminals were really closeee. And the stag! Huge!~ and the hippos! gargantuan! and the buffalos! really dam big la. See on tv never look that big. The scary portion of the tram wasnt very scary! not as scary as the last time with the 'hell' theme where people were being tortured on stakes and stuff. The scaring people didnt touch us like 2 years ago and didnt climb onto the tram like they did last time! So it wasnt so hard on the heart.

And the forest giants trail was quite terrifying for me. -.- stupid little girl popped out from the bushes with a sad ghost wail and i almost died and collided with some zoo helper guy. And whats his name carrying 2 buckets of whatsit made me almost slip down a slippery bridge cuz he was approaching all of a sudden -.- and i saw corpse bride! that was cool. oh. but i don't remember seeing any animals cept for those in the glass enclosures.

after the trail we went to watch the creatures of the night show and that was pretty cool too. a wolf! and it howled! how awesome is that. the rest were quite typical look how smart this animal is performances but the cute pakistan american kid volunteer was quite unforgettable with his cool true blue american accent "i just knew it!" which 5-7 year old singaporean kid says that?

night safari has mee goreng for $15 man! entrance fee $40 not enough to make you cough blood arh! sugarcane $8. omg!

anyway after that was midnight macs and sweet sweet sleep~