As I fail to fall asleep despite having retired to bed about an hour ago, I have no choice but to sit up again, do something else and later repeat the cycle again with one hopeful success of an attempt. I know not why such a simple action leaves me in such great difficulty. It tires me to try yet ironically I am trying to ease my tiredness. This late sleeping makes me lethargic in the day yet as I try to solve the problem, I achieve nothing but more failure. I need some kind of escape! I wish I could find a way without the bodily pollution of sleeping pills and the like. I feel I have nothing on my mind! But my subconscious tells me otherwise. What more is there to be done? I just want to fall asleep. What about that could prove so hard?

On a side note, reading Sherlock holmes, I have realized that the movie somewhat presents quite an accurate picture of him! He is clearly more eccentric than we could have imagined... Huiwei! If you read this, really the movie is quite accurate... On another note, sir Arthur conan Doyle uses such formidable vocabulary that I can hardly keep up with 3/4 of the words more than 6 letters long. I understand little of the content but make up for that with the simpler words. Perhaps my inability to sleep is due to being overwhelmed by his profoundity. No reading before bedtime.

On a last note.
If a man be precipitated by a train, let fire be stung by the rain.

Time for sleeping attempt II.

Oh yes, forgot to mention... The hammie died on 11th March. He was still so adorable, I found him sitting in the 1st story orange bowl after returning home from work. It was as if he crawled in there purposely, as his resting place. I took him out cuz i was gonna feed him his meds [which i had been doing successfully for the past 2 days because he struggled very little]... I sorta had a fear he might be dead cuz there was no movement as i lifted the little bowl out from the cage. I poked his ear, and there was no response. I poked him and well, it was clear he had entered a never-waking sleep. I was so sad at that moment i just wept and stroked his tiny fragile little back, feeling so sorry for him and how weak he had been looking. The swell looked better, but i have a feeling he died from lack of food, being unable to eat with such a swell in the way. He refused drink though, so i can't be so sure why he died.

Anyway i buried him downstairs in a little hole, his body still soft, probably died not too long ago before i found him.

welcoming a new phase of life once more...

Changing job, again! This time trying what i would never have ever thought of trying in my long, sad, anti-social life. It couldn't be that bad, i must tell myself. Afterall, ahrong is just around the corner from my workplace! Okay, not really just around the corner but like relatively near so i won't be luncheoning alone hopefully!

First time that my job needs actual office clothes, sadly, thus i have to be poor before i can earn anything. My grand total of office clothes was 1 yesterday[purposely buy for such office-type interviews then forever wear the same thing] and now its 2 today cuz i had to buy another one for tomorrow. Ah. I need at least 4 to last me through a week of work. So i shall have to get two more and then keep recycling them, wohoho. Imagine wearing the same 4 sets of office clothes for 4 months. Sian or not sian! Of cuz sian! Far cry from being able to wear class-tee and jeans to work can.

The job is very strict, no handphones during working hours, they have to be permanently locked away in the lockers. It's even emphasized that only ENGLISH is allowed. Every minute late for work is $5 penalty and 15min and thereafter is $10! It's just gonna be work work work until 6:30pm and disappear.

I am reading Sherlock Holmes because i am clearly becoming stupider with each passing moment. I hardly write, or blog, for that matter [and i will try to do so more often to train my brain] and this has undoubtedly led to me slowing down in my ability to express myself as freely as before. I even got tricked by anna's lame joke [which mouse walks on 2 legs? ... which dog walks on 2 legs? ... which duck...] okay, shan't reveal too much in case he wants to trick more people like me.

I shall write more! Hopefully that will be a possible cure!

CHEESEBURGER ENLISTED TODAY.

sigh. but it was kinda like a normal event overall. He'll only be there for 10 days and then will be out every weekend. Plus being able to call back everyday is not so bad. And he'll be fine. i went with his mom dad and bro to see him off.

his mom came to fetch me supposedly at 6:30am but the alarm clock didnt ring and her phone call woke me at 6:36am -.- siann. Anyway i was downstairs by 6:45am. fast right. Anyways we went for breakfast first, then off to the ulu place.

They had like a tour[and ZESTIN was our tour guide. coincidentally -.-] and performances for us from 9am+ while making the guys strip somewhere else secretly to check for any hidden evil items. Well they didn't tell the parents they were bringing their kids away to be stripped of course, cheeseburger just told me later when we met up again with them at 11pm to eat army lunch. His parents told us to go walk somewhere and then come back for him to fall in at 12 but he spent half the time re-wearing his shoes and socks that his bro called and said everyone was falling in, though it was only 11:30am. So we went back and he just went off and his mom was sad cuz she didnt get to say goodbye. So we ended up getting special permission from the inspector to let us follow them all the way to the multi purpose hall[of course we stayed outside], where he was called out and they had their goodbyes and then we left. I hope that didnt make him get singled out.

After that his dad insisted on getting something to eat, cuz i guess he was hungry, so we had some anpang yong tau foo[i kept thinking of anpan breadman everytime they said that] which they said is the malaysian style of yong tau foo. It was okay, nth much about it, they just wanted me and cheeseburger's bro to try it.

Cheeseburger's mom then had to visit like 10 000 banks so i waited for her in the car while needing to answer an emergency call of nature, which i did get a chance to, thankfully. And then she sent me home.

Fed Run his meds and then went for piano.

Yea i brought my sis's hammie to the vet yesterday morn. He has an abcess growing near his mouth, pushing everything to the left side. It looks so bad i feel so sad looking at him.He looks like a manatee, or a moomin. It's swollen up on the right side of his mouth and nose area and the vet said its hardened pus inside and she tried to scrape out quite a bit of it. It was like mozarella in the hammie's cheek. And there was blood. I don't know how she does it, she just held the hammie in a cloth in one hand, covering its whole body and eyes, revealing only the mouth. She poked about in its mouth while it wiggled, but she somehow managed to keep it in that position!! I need to learn that cuz i have a hard time trying to feed him his meds from a syringe. I need to do it twice a day. one is 0.02ml and the other is 0.05ml. It's SO little i can barely tell if it even went into his mouth cuz even a nudge to the syringe already dispenses that tiny amount. I'm pretty sure he licked up the liquid though, before knowing what it was. Good thing the amount was so tiny cuz he refused to have anymore. I tried holding him in the cloth way but he kept wiggling out, so i guess i just have to keep trying. My sis said to get him grasshoppers as a reward for eating his meds but i'm scared they might get stuck in his abcess.

The vet said the meds wouldnt be able to reach the hardened area though, cuz its already hardened... So the only way would be through surgery, which would involve general anaesthesia, which the tiny little thing might not wake up from. Sad sad fact. I left it to my sis to decide and she doesnt want it to risk dying so we're just trying out the meds for now. The vet tried to remove as much cheese as she could and man was there alot.. she just used a cotton swab and dug and out came lumps of bloody cheese. That swabbing cost $10 on top of the consultation and meds. The whole thing came up to $40.70. People might wonder why spend such a huge amount that can be used to buy 4 hamsters! It should be understandable that Run is our precious little hamster and we can't just leave him like that suffering... He looks sooo ke lian.

Anyway im feeding the meds cuz my sis is not in singapore -.- nvm. is a good experience.

Oh there was a mushroom that grew overnight in Burger's cage yesterday night. Dam gross and smelt like a dam strong pungent raw wild mushroom after my mom pulled it out. It wasn't there last night when i re-filled her waterbottle!! Gosh. I had such a huge shock man. It wasn't just any mushroom it was a long headed whitish greenish mushroom standing tall and proud amongst the hay!! Thankfully it was in good shape, meaning Burger hadn't gone and tasted it, so i immediately threw out all the bedding and cleaned out the entire cage. So er xin i'm cleaning her cage twice a week from now on. Probably the water that dripped out from her bottle helped it grow cuz it was standing right in front of the bottle.

okay. enough of my epic life.

im at work.

work is funny. kindergarten kids are SO cute as long as you're not teaching them.

Teacher: nobody nobody but you!

kids: AHAHAHAHAHHAHAHHAA *chorus of laughter*

Teacher: nobody nobody but you!

kids: AHAHAHAHAHHAHAHHAA *chorus of laughter*

Teacher: nobody nobody but you!

kids: AHAHAHAHAHHAHAHHAA *chorus of laughter*

repeat a few times.

they never seem to get tired of anything. lol.

Today is Lunar New Year and also Valentine's day! Don't know if such a coincidence would ever happen again, but anyway it did happen this year, but it worked out just fine for me.

It's always the same old routine every time for me, so nothing much to talk about. The only interesting thing that happened is my bro's hair got burnt off by someone's joss stick at the temple. Like seriously, a bunch of it got fried and broken off. How sad right. My bro doesnt wanna go back there anymore.

Visited cheeseburger's grandmother's house for the first time, where his mom's older and one younger sis was there, and her sister's husband, and his cousins and his grandmother. Gonna take me a while to get used to these new people. It was pretty weird, as expected. I didnt really know what to do and cheeseburger wasnt really helping so i just stoned on the sofa.

His mom fetched us to our Vdae dinner which was alright but not that fantastic[meaning the food was not that great] but anyway it was the company that mattered more!

We only won a snoopy head from prize stage this time, but as usual, we didn't leave empty handed, which would be inauspicious anyway! The machine kept jamming up and getting error, the guy pleaded us to play another machine, so we did.

There wasn't much else to do, cept that cheeseburger ate a lot and is really gonna get fat at that rate!

I'm super sleepy.
I hope these happy days last forever and a year.


so they sailed away for a year and a day...

Yesterday was fun.



Went on Chinatown field trip with a bunch of little wobbly human beings and it was an entertaining experience. quite.



It was fun for the most part, kids scooting away and you, having been assigned 4 of them, had to run after them and drag them back by the threads of their thick orange collars. The weather was stuffy like being trapped in a huge cotton ball but the shops were selling stuffs which shimmered in the light of the sun, a pretty sight to behold one's vision, almost completely blurred from the shadows of sneaking children. Chattering, laughing, squeaking were most of the sound effects heard and nice uncles from candy stores donated candies to us poor starving kids.



The only sad sad sight was of the old lady, which we saw as we turned the corner to the Chinatown MRT lift. The lady had bumped her head, i presume [it is unlikely she fell, as the others said] because her head was leaking blood at the speed of when one fills a bathtub with warm water, but the rest of her was fine. The blood was so much it soaked up an entire hankerchief and a millions tissues and i kid you not, it was trickling down her face like the morning dew off a leaf too weak to hold anymore of that weight.



I was quite traumatised by that incident, close to tears [stopping myself because I was supposed to be a grown up and a 'teacher' and not to appear weak in front of little frightened children]. I just don't understand why the teachers let the children watch. They seemed quite afraid, making tiny comments[she fall down?] in apprehensive tones, like they were afraid the lady would hear them, I don't know why. We moved on soon, after an ambulance was called, and all was well again with the children, the incident seemed to have slipped through the tunnels in their minds and out of their ears in 3 seconds. Maybe it slipped out.. but maybe it was just tucked away into a hidden corner of their minds, ready to escape at any trigger?

oh well, i don't know. Maybe it's better not to ponder so much.


I couldn't sleep last night, as usual, my head was filled with sounds of children talking and teachers shouting. Sigh. I kept telling it to shutup and go away, but it wouldn't and so i didn't sleep. And so my eyeballs are gonna fall out of my sockets in a moment or too.

Wait. This was supposed to be a happy post!

Well, I had a lot of fun yesterday, despite the scary incidents along the way, but it all ended well *schmiles.*

never been so sure

or at peace.


Or maybe i have

too long ago.

OH FORGOT TO MENTION. OBTAINED MY VDAE EDITION GLOOMY TODAY!! YEAAA MANNN SUPER CUTE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


too bad my sis didnt manage to get the white one I ordered, but she has a white one too so ITS OKAY... mine is candy blue and hers are dark and white choco! whoohoo

Happy happy day with rongrong and huiwei!

Met them at somerset first and we ate KFC [as usual] and talked rubbish, and then opened presents! Got gao gui shower gel from body shop[whoa can act gao gui until the bottle finish!] and super nice dress! After they made me come out from the toilet cubicle with the dress, both of them wanted to buy one for themselves also. I was too lazy to change out of it so i wore it for the rest of the day.

We migrated to cine to check out movie timings, but were staring at xiurong's colleague's suppper cute pompom animals book for majority of the time. Huiwei checked out timings for cathay at doby on her phone becuz timings at cine didnt quite work out. We ended up going to citylink first cuz huiwei and xiurong wanted to go see if the shop still had the dress they just gave me, but unfortunately, it was crazy crowded and no more of that cutting.

We walked around marina square and huiwei and xr looked at gao gui clothes while i listened to the shop music. Then we went to prize stage by my suggestion! Ultimate waste money shop but awesome fun! We got a super cute rilakuma[holding a cake] on the first try playing the scooping stuff onto tray game [donated to huiwei. oh actually she paid for almost all the tries haha] BUT we spent a crazy amount trying for a cake bear-- failing, most unfortunately. But we were super high playing that game! Huiwei kept screaming, wa i think everyone around her was scared. We were quite lucky a few times, picking up more cake bears, but DROPPING THEM AT THE WRONG TIME!! i think i was too jing zhang!!! We were happy to pick up lots of what we called rubbish, those random small items that helped to push the stuff on the tray slightly, but they had a not too flattering name.

rubbish...

FINALLY, something fell into the hole and guess what it was!! A RUBBISH THING!! a plastic randomly shaped rock, there for the purpose of filling up the machine with random scoopable items. WAAA When we took it out from the chute, we were so hysterical that the couple watching us laughed at us -.- That plastic crap cost more than $7!! Tiann ahhhh... but it was all for the fun of it and we had a super good time [apart from xr complaining her leg very pain.]

We had to find a charles and keith so that i could get my what-did-xiurong-call-it-i forget leather-ish shoes. cuz they were super nice and they make me as tall as my sis. And less by $30. So i went to find my shoes while huiwei looked at her million-th future bag and xiu rong slacked on the seat.

Afters we went to daiso to buy xr's materials to make the cute pompom animals, huiwei in charge of queuing up, xiurong finding felt and me finding yarn. Quite efficient, cuz the queue was indescribably long.

Movie time! I think we were supposed to have a gao gui dinner, but we ended up eating cinema food because there was no time. Nvm we can have our gao gui dinner next time!!! [esp a more strategic time e.g. after i get my FIRST pay... *weeps.*] Giant Popcorn combo with chicken platter and potato wedges. And an overpriced cup corn with butter soup at the bottom each. Needless to say, we didnt finish the popcorn. But anyway we watched 14 swords and it was cool, at the same time, hilarious. The people die with such ridiculous "youuu stabbbbed mee ughh *faints* " faces that the cinema people kept laughing at them!! We bought the tickets 15minutes into the movie so we missed the front, but the story was quite understandable anyhows. Huiwei kept laughing at poor grasshopper guy[Wu Zun] because he looked like an ah beng from singapore. The sky eagles clan, they were called, but they looked like bengz and lianz that stroll in the alleys.

The character designs are quite cool though, reminds me of final fantasy. Oh yes. The people at the back of the cinema burst out laughing when the name of the girl 'tuo tuo' [literally strip strip] was mentioned! They laughed so loud it was funny in itself.

yay!
happy day.

YAY! This year i had one of the most awesomest birthdays ever!!

My office people celebrated for mee!! They are suuuuper nice!! The lady boss left halfway with the sito teacher and i was slacking around when they came back, just getting up from my chair when the lady boss suddenly shoved a bouquet into my face and said happy birthday! I was shocked, stunned, delirious. Okay, no, but i was pleasantly surprised! Sooo nice of them!! [totally contrasting with the evil woman. enough of her!] It was a pink stuffed-roses bouquet of 6 roses. Okay bad sentence. But anyway. sooo kind of them! And there was cake too! awesome tasty choco creamy choco cake! With 19 awesome candles that almost burnt away by the time we got everyone to gather round. And there were baby donuts too!! How apt! I bet none of them actually know cheeseburger calls me donut, yet there were donuts! I was suuper happy. Soo love my working place. Wahahaha.

And then Cheeseburger met me at my workplace's busstop! Albeit half an hour late... but wasnt his fault so nvm! We attempted to walk to my house but he was tooo lazyyy so we took a bus the rest of the way. When we got to my house the lift was under maintanence!! So we had to walk up the stairs... up up up up up up up up. And we got there. Mommy cooked usual noddles [yes noddles, not noodles.] and there was crayfish and cor helped to buy venison too! Dad bought the cake. Awesome cake! Topped with fruits in a myriad colours, iridescent in the rising moonlight! Okay, not THAT cool, but tasty nonetheless. Healthy-ish cake? There are fruits afterall. lollollypop. Cake blowing out was not too good, the wind blewwww 18 candles out so i blew the last one hastily which made marmie erupt into laughter.

Awesome cute presents as well, totoro-esque scheduler [totoro replaced with a cat but same essence from nu], ducky soup cup with cute ladle[from chair!], cute giant ducky named jonathan[from cheeseburger!], origami printed with critter faces [from bro] and birthday wishes from all my treasured happy friends.

I wish happiness to all the great people in the world. Not status kind of great, but heart-beating-more-in-tune-with-the-harmonious-way-of-life-than-others kind of great.

CCCCCC:
too lazy to upload the photos, will probably do so on fb

and donut lovesz cheeseburger lots and lots and lots

updates in the life of pie. i mean, donut.

YES!! FINALLY CAN SEVERE TIES WITH THE EVIL SALAD WOMAN!! GAHH after 2 weeks of no news from her, i called her up on monday to ask her and she TOTALLY FORGOT ABOUT IT MAN. And she still had the cheek to ask me to come down and help her cuz one girl took sick leave! WAPIANG. if not for the pay she owed me i would have denied her straight. Pfft. Anway i accepted her plea for me to help 2 hours at the shop. She wanted me to cab down so i did. The cost was $10.40 [BUT the kiam woman only paid me $10. stupid shyt. i'm dam pissed cuz shes sucking my money even if its just 40cents and she REQUESTED for me to take a dam cab. why cant she just pay for it in full??? i may sound kiam but she is kiammer!! she's earning like shytloads from ripping people off.]

Anyway, i worked for 3.5 HOURS FOR HER, NOT 2 dam hours which she claimed. What a toot! I called her at 3 cuz she said she'll meet me at the place, and i was only supposed to be there 2 hours. PIANG EH she said she will only come at 430!!! She think everyone so free issit??? GAHHH i still had to go teach tuition in the night!! Thanks to her i didnt even get dinner. RAH.

So she came at 430. AND acted confused and innocent about my miscalculated pay, happily rounding up all the 1/2 hours extra i worked to shortchange me $1.40, which could have paid for my dam transport home since she asked me to go to that stupid place. She was only willing to pay 1/4 of what cheeseburger claimed she owes him, but i have no idea about his records cuz they were kinda confusing, so i didn't argue too much. Just so fed up with dealing with fake people like her.

I hate that place.

this is such an awful post, i shall post my nicer stuff in another more pleasant post. ergh.

C:
thanks everyone

Just now, after catching a Halibut in Island Paradise, i wiki-ed it, and it led me to wiki Pollock, which is what i named one of my fish in Fishville, and that led me to 'fathom' which is a unit of measurement, mostly for water. New to me, cuz I only know I use it when 'i cannot fathom an idea'.

A fathom is 6 feet and when burying people it is customary to bury them a fathom underground! [six feet under]

Somehow i vaguely remember the word 'fathom' being used as a measurement for water in one of those whimsical poems about the sea, i read a long long time ago when the sky was still dark at 6:50am. But that piece of knowledge has slipped out of my mind since, and I guess, re-entered now.

I'm bored!! I have a cough.

I was sick yesterday and didn't go to work!

...

Can i have some twister fries?

I've waited so long for nothing
It's time to end this fight

The fight in my mind is something
That keeps me awake all night

It's this that keeps me thinking
And so my dreams can't take flight

This something that comes out from nothing
I'd wish it be out of sight.

Maybe I'm just not anything. Anything at all. Maybe I'm just imagining my whole world. But it's really just me in a glass ball. And a tv controller and buttons that control all.

My world is grey. All the colour has been sucked away. I'm lost because everything looks the same. Like I've been here before, but not quite.

And I can't find my way.

Is this all new to you?
Why do you hesitate?
Just concentrate... and wait.

It will all come to you...
Just as you wish it to

Slowly but surely it will all come through.
Just like the weeds in the dead well, they grew,
Now close your eyes and we'll fade away like black butterflies,
Dreaming of who we thought we knew.

My mind is so blank now but I have nothing else to do.

just.kill.me.now.

Horrible woman! My ex-boss is a horrible, conniving, cunning woman! She cheated me and cheeseburger of our pay! I'm gonna confront her about it tomorrow. No way is she making me do slave labour for her! Not in this day and age! She claims that work ends promptly at 3.30 everyday, no matter how long we stay! Well, my work signing in and out time clearly states 11-2, 11-3.30, and well the last one is 10-4. For $7 an hour, any bloke can tell you how much I should be getting. If she can't do simple math, she shouldn't be having a business. 3 hours + 4.5hours + 6 hours. Times 7. Ninety-Four point Five!! She only paid me SEVENTY. WALAO. cheat my money!!! Even if you minus half an hour from the supposed 3.30 we are supposed to stop at, how in the world do you get 70??? Is she using a different number system perhaps?? Plus we are not even supposed to be giving out stinkin flyers!!! Her oh-so-grand advertisement says " we wil teach you how a great salad should be served " [Oh look, can't spell also.] And what does she make us do? GIVE OUT FLYERS. WEEK AFTER WEEK. I couldn't take her nonsense so i QUIT one fine day when she said FLYERS again. That is certainly NOT what she claimed in her advert. And there was NOTHING about slave work or flyer distribution. "Needs energetic and fun part time staff to work the Salad and sandwich counters." If their salad counters were along the streets and outside the MRT station, well I wouldn't fault her would I. By the way they post like ad after ad like they are so desperate for workers but the stupid thing is she tells her workers not to come on some days. The stupidest is, after i quit, she still called me up and asked me if i wanted to work in the shop??? Well, that's not the stupid part. The stupid part is she told Cheeseburger he didn't have to work that day when he was still putting up with her and did not quit like I did. She told the one who didn't quit that he didn't have to come to work, she told me, who quit, to come to work? What kind of rubbish logic is that?? As you can see, she is a liar and a cheat. And there is sufficient proof for that. She's also patronizing and is nice to all the ang mohs, which are her regular customers, well because they don't see what a cheat she is behind the scenes. I WISH THEY WOULD NOT GET CHEATED BY HER 85 CENTS CABBAGE BEING SERVED IN HER EIGHT-FIFTY SALAD! Ok to be fair, she has many ingredients but they are all like SUPER CHEAP VEGGIES. Sigh okayokay that is not my problem really. I'm just pissed off.

I just smsed her and she spelt 'write' as 'right'. WAPIANG. jiu ming ah.

OMG! She said she will re-check and put smiley face summore. WHAT A FAKE-O. She just bully cheeseburger [I wasn't there when she gave the cheat money pay]. BUT NO WAY WILL SHE BULLY ME!!!

She will get back to me [didn't say when.] GAHHHHH.

I wonder how many people she cheated already!!!! The other time she gave me 77 instead of 87. I assume she was so flustered she forgot it was 87 3 seconds after counting the hours. Of cuz I told her she mis-paid me. That was still fine. BUT AGAIN?? I wonder if she is pretending!!! So she can short-change her poor workers if they don't speak up!

GAH. WHat a horrible woman! I cannot stand her! Just want to have nothing to do with her but she still owes me money!!

DId i mention [no i did not, so i shall now] that when she doesn't need to you to work, she only smses you/calls you on the MORNING ITSELF??? I pity those people who are halfway on the MRT already!! One dollar plus MRT fare wasted just because of an irresponsible boss!! Waste your time waste your energy waste your phone bill. And then cheat your money.

WAAA CANNOT STAND HERRR...

*takes deep breath.*

GAHHHHHHHHHHHH

The ocelot kitten has got to be the epitome of cuteness. There can be none that could surpass its cuteness! It's unbearable! It's cuteness cannot be held within oneself but expressed! One day they will take over the world with their cuteness.

Oh what is this little voice that speaks inside of me,
Telling me my life's such a dramatic irony
Someone with a sad and sorry heart as weak as mine,
Could to its pleading, drawing me away, n'er be more blind.
Weakened by this newly found once strengthening belief,
if i could go i'll go once and for all and rest in peace.