I suddenly feel like a lot of my memory is like a blur, regarding events that happened in the more recent years of my life. I don't want to lose anymore memories so I shall try to record them down dutifully!

yesterday I went kite flying for the second time in my life! but for the first time with my honeybunny. before it all started we took our time having lunch and stuff, then popped over to toys r us as it was the place with the highest likelyhood of selling kites. after tunnelling through the maze of little boys and children's toys, we were close to losing hope on finding our kite! but! I didn't want to give up and I really could not believe toys r us wouldn't sell a simple toy like a kite, so I ventured further into the baby's section n low and behold! finding it's place on a slightly gloomy, easily-missed shelf was.. a small array of kites! and for only 4-6 dollars each too! I didn't really wanna have a huge kite to carry around for the rest of the day so we settled for the smallest one, which would go as small as you could fold it cuz it had no support whatsoever, merely a plastic sheet constructed in a particular air-catching manner. but we didn't think much of it! 3.95 only.

with kite in one hand and honey in the other, we pranced along to the grassy patch next to the interchange where we always see many people flying kites. today was no different, but when we began, we were the only ones. it was really sunny, not much wind, and being pretty much first timers, our attempts to fly the kite were sad and only a few scattered victories here and there gave us hope that the kite could actually fly! but as the day wore on, some other pros brought out their huge and sturdy-looking kites and started flying them with barely any effort at all. seeing their success, me n honey decided to migrate over to a patch closer to their side where we suspected the fengshui might be better! and IT WAS!!

the wind there was soo much stronger, came way more often, and our kite could fly spontaneously, albeit crumpling upon itself and doing tumbles due to it's lack of bone structure. the sky was beginning to darken too, but the wind was so awesome, after a few tries, we managed to extend the kite to the full length of the string! it was just such an awesome feeling, seeing the white thread vanish into the dark grey sky, and see our kite in the distance, looking like a wild owl flitting and jerking from side to side threatening to do it's favourite tumbles.

to end off, we managed to fly the kite while sitting down! yayy. that was our other goal. and as lightning streaked through the gloomy clouds ahead, we retired into the cosy shelter of secret recipe n ate a delectable dinner while wondering about the late comers who only started barely before the storm unleashed it's power upon us!

SuX. SUX SUX SUX SUX SUX!!!! life suxx

I HATE this!!!

I'm so emo I need psychiatric help.

on the brightside, emoness let's me write rhymes efficiently, everything just pouring out.

here goes:

so bad, it just feels so bad
everytime this happens I can only feel sad
not mad,
just an unexpected disaster
disappointment clouding all my laughter
nothing else will do,
not after
I've ripped open my heart
and watched the light slip away
it's dark..
I've spent all my luck
and I'm stuck
here
left to suck it up...

not just the blister's bleedin though...

...

my heart too.

but everybody's favourite phrase is just suck it up.

ugh. in this context its like im a mosquito.

mosquito means pestilent.

Monsters Monsters...

Monsters in the night

I fear you not

switch off the lights

my doors are locked

your breath is slight

i hear your knock

don't try to fight

i watch the clock

night trickles away

dark turns into day

But monsters in my heart

are always here to stay.

sometimes life just SUXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

wthh??

are those robots??

anw.

main point of this is just to say

DIE!!! youu!! scum of the earth!! disgrace to mankind!! waste of breathing space!!

disgusting being!!

i think you need to stay in a mental institute for really severe cases.

cuz youre way on your way to the road with no end.

much as I dislike the angel, watching pita ten makes me wanna face life in a bubbly, helium filled, colourful fields of flowers filled, squirrels running across tree branches and chipmunks poking their heads out from holes filled way.

and this is possibly, made possible by the realisation that my next CA is 2 weeks later!! not one week as I initially thought! and I have overcome 3 CAs in the past week! (they have been hard and properly badly done but much effort had been invested nonetheless!) so I can try to be happy and bubbly n heliumly and squirrely and chipmunky and. not that much, but at least happy!

whee!

nvr knew such fear, only the kind you can feel when you're left in the dark, fearing the worst, worse than monsters standing over my bed in the dead of the night, I was just scared something would happen based on memories of the past. the same thing mustn't happen to you.

can't lose you.

random lame post

topped up my ezlink card on 9/2, 13/2, 17/2, 19/2, 23/2 each time $10. That's 50 prickin' dollars on transport in less than a month. And i stay at hostel. Wow. if i stayed at home i would die of starvation from transport alone.

When i talk to people then i realise how much in life i've forgotten about.

I want to have a goal now.

I need this motivation.


I'm just thankful to have my friends as my friends and not anyone else cuz as far as i know, these are the best friends anyone can ever have.

One does not need a lot of friends. But a lot of friendship in the few special ones.

it's not so easy to be happy when one is in a perpetual state of depression.

I don't really know why i am so easily upset, but i know that i cannot help it. I try very hard to control it because it makes the others around me annoyed, frustrated, rather than sympathetic, but i just cant seem to stop it from taking over me. When i recount the incidents, i feel the exact same sadness. Thus a drastic change in mood. Simply by recalling.

How can i explain myself?

They don't seem to understand that i am genuinely hurt.

That i don't wish to be this way. I don't wish to spoil the day but there are so many triggers around me that make me end up drowning in all my emotion. I tried hard to force the smiles.

But they rather not come near me than understand.

on a side note, i have checked. i lost my laptop on 11/11/10, found it on 14/02/11. 3 months.

just met some plain retarded Indian kids in the lift, who thought it such a brilliant idea to raise their voices to maximum power and talk and laugh and shout becuz it's so fun to hear their voice so loud in a small enclosed space. such idiotic behaviour really pisses me off and demands that I let it out. and it was so loud it hurt. thank goodness the trip was short. stupidity in it's truest form, no concern for others around whatsoever. had the good mind to smack their fat faces in had it not been 3-1. I hope someone slams a pan into their ears one day.

I got a laptop for valentine's day

MY LAPTOP IS FOUND!!!

AFTER WHAT, 3 MONTHS OR STH??? okay i dont have the exact date right now but i will check once i get home.

MIRACLE OR WHAT MANNN...

all becuz of the power of the aura of my honeybunny!!!

i wish to jump off the edge of the world.

before I proceed to rant on the happenings of cny so far(so far since it lasts for 15 days though only the first 3 or so are celebratory), I must first mention this random discovery!

either I haven't had milk tea for a long time... or Gong Cha milk tea is REALLY NICE!! I am pleasantly surprised! had a craving for bubble tea, and also wanted to find a place to squat, googled for directory of bedok point n discovered there is a gong cha here. so I proceeded to buy a normal milk tea, thinking how stupid it is to pay 2.20 for normal milk tea, but refusing to add a few cents for the house specials (which I did not want to risk anyway). And tada. I had my squatting area n my bubble tea. apart from the ridiculously long straw (portion sticking out of cup is about as tall as the cup itself), the milk tea is really fantastically tasty man. I feel like I'm drinking a baby lamb. okay, the idea is soft fluffy clouds n floating in the sky~ it's really wondercrumpilicious!!

or, I just haven't had milk tea in a long while!

Happy chinese new year!!!

and thanks for all the birthday wishes! :D

to Mr Nobody:
this is the hand I've always known
the hand that I should always hold
this is the hand that comforts me
Truly, you are Nobody.
it's by this hand that I can see
a future that holds you and me
together we could walk for miles
and never hope to see the end
to me you are the perfect one
let's walk the miles now hand in hand
and never see the dark again
for though I thought we weren't to be
fate and luck brought me to find
mine in yours and yours in mine.

Changed to a shinier, happier layout for positive energy.

dreamscape or mistake?

this morning i dreamt that i didnt sleep! I mean, i felt like i totally didnt get to sleep, but yet i was dreaming, so i must have slept.

I DREAMT SOMEONE TRIED TO OPEN MY ROOM DOOR! so freaky... thank goodness i latched it cuz... WHAT IF I WASNT DREAMING?? cuz i really cant tell if i was or wasnt at that point. But who would randomly try to open my room door??? I clearly saw my door being nudged open, a stream of light trickle in, then some resistance, and close again. Needless to say, it was terrifying. But yet i lay on my bed doing nothing. Perhaps frozen with fear i don't know. Or maybe some part of my head knew it wasnt real.

And then i dreamt someone sneaked 2 hamsters into my room! And 2 puppies! At first i only saw 1 hamster, and then there was another! And they were in an unfamiliar container with a red cover so i exclaimed that the container didnt even belong to me! And then one puppy and another appeared and they were white miniature poodles. And one male one female (same with the hamsters) so i was like, crap! they're gonna reproduce! How am i gonna get these puppies out of my room without anyone seeing them!

So that's about it that i remember for my dream. I got up, realised i had been dreaming, yet all the while thinking in my head: when am i ever gonna fall asleep?

but a good thing that will happen this week is... I'm gonna finish all the 12 credits i have to fulfill for participating in psychology studies within this week!! WAHAHAHA. By participating in about 2-3 studies in a stretch, it's all over very fast, doesn't take up too much time, and makes me happy. I can thus concentrate on other things!! Like memorising the 700 page textbook.

Sigh.To erase that sigh i have a bright yellow shiny happy picture to raise my spirits!

i had a dream again as usual. this time it was more memorable thus i can write about it.

I dreamt that a bunch of us were being chased, and the people were scary, dangerous, whatever they were, we had to get away. At first when they chased us they injured a few of us and i got stabbed in the leg. When we got away from that, i rmbr running into a house with the other ppl, and we were scrambling to find somewhere to hide cuz the evil people were gonna catch up soon. We grabbed some weapons from the kitchen first, some knives, sticks etc etc. One of the people led us into this basement place with a lot of piping and stuff and said there were little holes, outlets where we could escape. So i went down to check it out and i was like, these holes are too small!! No one's gonna fit in them. So i searched around and saw a metal rung ladder leading upwards. So we decided to climb that. We climbed and and climbed until we got to the outside and somehow we were safe there. Throughout the whole dream i could feel it hurting where i was stabbed and always looked down to see blood leaking out of it and we couldnt stop to do anything about it.

The end.

As usual also, i forget much of the details.