it's not so easy to be happy when one is in a perpetual state of depression.

I don't really know why i am so easily upset, but i know that i cannot help it. I try very hard to control it because it makes the others around me annoyed, frustrated, rather than sympathetic, but i just cant seem to stop it from taking over me. When i recount the incidents, i feel the exact same sadness. Thus a drastic change in mood. Simply by recalling.

How can i explain myself?

They don't seem to understand that i am genuinely hurt.

That i don't wish to be this way. I don't wish to spoil the day but there are so many triggers around me that make me end up drowning in all my emotion. I tried hard to force the smiles.

But they rather not come near me than understand.

on a side note, i have checked. i lost my laptop on 11/11/10, found it on 14/02/11. 3 months.