.wordsII.

Deserving to die
Is a lie
Brought about by the mind
Sublime
Hinting, telling you to give in
But the heart
Is an art
Brought about by the living
Beating
And giving hope to
Keep on
Breathing.

.words.

Cast aside in a corner

Kept awake by calling corpses

In their deepest sleep, alive, to bring back

Sins, Songs, Sorrow.

In between the lines in paper

Hidden, sleepless nights, awaken

Hearing voices, voices, voices whispering

Noises, Numbers, Names.

Down the streams of blood brewing

Nightmares, dark dreams, gazing

Seeing empty, blank, transparent mix of

Rainbows, Robots, Roses.

Breathing, short, sharp, painful

As the heart falls apart

Feel the darkness come surrounding screaming

Souls, Souls, Souls.

.learn to be lonely.

I wanted to live.

Child of the wilderness
Born into emptiness
Learn to be lonely
Learn to find your way in darkness
Who will be there for you
Comfort and care for you
Learn to be lonely
Learn to be your one companion

Never dreamed
Out in the world
There are arms to hold you
You’ve always known
Your heart was on its own
So laugh in your loneliness
Child of the wilderness
Learn to Be lonely
Learn how to love life that is lived alone
Learn to be lonely

Life can be lived, Life can be loved alone

like this.

...

YES. I am so happy now. The most gruelling, digusting, crappy, torturous, ultimate killer week of my entire life is finally over! Or at least, i think that since recent times, this has been the worst week of my life, ever.

Ok, so why am i saying this. Because first of all, it started off with a fever. This fever started on the friday of the week before. I suspect its from the archery thing that we went to help out at and i got totally fried in the brain or something because i found that my temperature was 39.3 that night. So i went to sleep hoping that it would go away the next day since it was just because of getting fried. But noooh.. it decided to stay on. And i lay in bed wasting the whole day away all Saturday, taking my temperature everytime i woke up. I think i woke up about 10 times or something cuz i just woke up, went back to sleep and so on.. My temperature hopped here and there around 38.8 to 39.4 for the whole of saturday. I was hungry but i couldnt eat and i didn't know why. I just ate some biscuits. Then after that when i woke up i suddenly felt better and my temperature was down to 37.8 or something like that so i got up and went to do my homework, which i had a lot of. So i did my binomial homework.. drew two graphs for chem and found the values for k and n... and so on... and then, the next thing i knew, my temperature was back to 38.6. Y_Y So i had to go back to sleep again. To make things worse, i had to go for an Econs project meeting on Sunday...
So on Sunday i woke up nice and early so that i could get to YCK MRT by 1000h. I still had a fever but i couldn't care much about it because there were more important things to care about. So we spent the whole day doing econs until like 7 when i left for home and reached home at like 9 or so. Then i forgot what i did at home.
On Monday there was coach training, where the coach came about 45min-1hr late so we started without her first. Train train train... My shooting was... weird i think, i wasn't really shooting that great. It's quite confusing, i was doing fine at first but after the coach came and shifted my arm, it all became shytted up. And even when i tried to change back the damage was already done, and i ended up shooting some rubbish shots... But anyway, after that we had air rifle girls outing! Some people were too lazy to walk out from the main gate so we wasted about half an hour waiting for the side gate to open. We went to cine and wondered for a long time what to eat until we finally decided on pasta mania because there was discount after 2. I couldnt eat much i think because i was still sick or something so i just ate like half of my food and someone finished up the other half.
Then we went to watch spiderman3! It was quite nice, although there were lots of stories happening at once, but i thought it was ok still and there were some sad parts which i felt extremely sorry for the Mary Jane girl because spiderman was being such a goldfish-eyed loser ass. What a gay man, how could he do such stuff? Ok nvm. The eddie guy in the black spiderman suit was rather scary because he had teeth in excess which was quite creepy and the screechy-roaring sounds he made were quite freaky too so i didn't look at his face too much.
So after spiderman we just went homeee becuase there wasn't much else to do and we all had stuff to do, like econs presentation.
So i went home and did the handout for the econs presentation.
On tuesday we stayed back in school to do the econs handout as well as go through the presentation. I wasn't sick anymore but i still couldn't eat and everything tasted like shyt [not that i know what it tastes like, but we all assume it tastes bad]. Everything was bitter, even the soursop drink that Kristy said was especially sweet. So bleh.
On wednesday was the presentation!! I admit it was totally crap partly because we started preparing so late, but also cuz CS's com screwed up somebit and the custom animation didn't work and stuff and he was talking like a dead fish when he presented so it was quite crap lar. But it was over. Thank goodness.
On THURSDAY, i had piano, which was equally crappy. I had to go on thurs since i was sick on saturday and missed it.
On Friday, MATH TEST and ELECTIONS! Math test didn't turn out too bad. I hadn't had time to study for the past few days but thank goodness i wasn't lost in the topics so i knew how to do it anyway. Elections was so scary i was shaking like hell when i came back from giving my speech. It was a close fight between me and peixin i think we had like 48 49? Before it ended with a 5 point vote going to PX. Oh well, there's always next year... I'm really glad that i tried this year cuz its the first time i'm ever giving a speech like that [in dunman i gave a class speech about muffins Y_Y] So yea, i haven't really done a real speech before so i think its quite cool that i managed to say the stuff that i wanted to say. Although i forgot quite a lot of things but nvm! It's over and done with, i'll just be more prepared next time..
Yes yes yes, so with all those horrible things over... i am now... HAPPY-ER! YEA. YEA. YEA. I think the week before i started getting stupidly depressed over the banner, econs presentation and stuff. But i guess its ok now, it isn't all that bad we can just take things as they come and it's still ok! Ok.. i really wanna sleep now... there's NYT shoot tmr..

.growing.

up.

tall.

fat.

normally.

I didn't! sighh... i realised after comparing health booklets with huiwei and kristy that i grew extremely little. Like some malnutritioned kid. i grew only 10cm from Pri4...

I was 1.42m in Pri4, that's pretty tall righhtt... Kristy was 1.44m. Huiwei was a miniscule... 1.20m. Yes, extremely tiny. But guess what! She grew like, 32cm since then to a grand total of 1.52cm!! As for me... i grew a measly 10cm. Kristy, being a normal person as well, grew like, 28cm to a wondercrump height of 1.72m that she is now.. I can't believe i grew so littleee.... Huiwei was like the weight of a leaf last time man. Oh well, i guess its quite possible since she was so small.i never had a growth spurt. Huiwei, on the other hand, was 1.35m in Pri6 and shot up to 1.50m in sec 2 i think. As for me, i grew from 1.42m[p4]... to 1.47m[p5]... to 1.50m[p6].. to 1.51m[sec1]... to 1.52m[sec2]... and just... STOPPED. Siannn...

The graph in the health book makes it even more demoralising! There's like a green region for normal people, and orange regions for those too tall or too short. These slant upwards gradually as the age increases. At the start, i marked my height for 10 years old at the 1.42 mark and it was like, somewhere near the center of the green region, which meant i was a normal person. The mark was also near the center for 12 years old, at 1.50m... However, since it was pretty much stagnant from there, the straight line that followed travelled right nicely into the orange region below the green region at 16 years old... arg... how saddenening.

[Oh well, but huiwei was in the orange region like right from the start haha.]

We can now conclude that Kristy is one of the most normal people around. zzz...

.stuffs.

.Huiwei asked me to update so i shall post about CDANS. CDANS was disappointing!

I made a horrible, huge, dumb, impossible-but-it-happened mistake... I... STOOD IN THE WRONG POSITIONING! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOH. Walao, that's like the dumbest mistake la. People usually using common sense will obviously lean left to rest their elbow on their hip. But I! was so busy changing my feet here and there.. that i ended up leaning right!!? So retarded man. So for my first 20 shots i aimed soo hard but i couldn't get it right. Yet after i realised it at the 32nd shot, suddenly aiming somewhat there would get me the 10. So reetaarded... Well.. at least i made this mistake that i never expected to make. Better than making this mistake during nationals... so my grand total was... 371. Yes. Incredulously crappy. 93 87 95 96. It is clear, by the 8 point jump where i realised my mistake.

Why couldn't training be exchanged with the real competition! Mann... i shot like 2 7s within a series. Oh well. Its overrrrrrrrrrrr...

Good luck to kristy and her drama crew!

Yay. The banner took form a few days ago, and now its got the heading! It looks ok so far. The outlining of the words with papertape was darn backbreaking. Must thank all the rifle girls+weilin+kaisheng +jiapei, regardless of critisism, suggestions, or helping to stick the papertape, or spraypainting.

Can't wait for it to be completed!

..

Sian. I shot 97-92!-96-96. With 25 10s, 13 9s, 1 8, and 1.... SIX! A SIX! wth... And i don't even know why it was a SIX cuz i didn't even shake.

Bleh.

I kept shooting towards the right at first. So i kept moving my position, but it didn't change a thing. In the end somehow my shots turned out alright although my sighting cards were horrible.
Then Julie helped me move my trigger back and suddenly i could shoot properly again, although i occassionally had violent jerks.

Career Seminar today. Took a bunch of notebooks and highlighters and pens.

When your only friends are hotel rooms
Hands are distant lullabies
If I could turn around I would tonight
These roads never seemed so long
Since your paper heart stopped beating leaving me suddenly alone
Will daybreak ever come?

Who's gonna call on Sunday morning?
Who's gonna drive you home?
I just want one more chance
To put my arms in fragile hands
I thought you said forever
Over and over
A sleepless night becomes bitter oblivion
These thoughts run through my head
Over and over
Complains of violins become my only friends

August evenings
Bring solemn warnings
To remember to kiss the ones you love goodbye
You never know what temporal days may bring
So Laugh, love, live free, and sing
When life is in discord
Praise ye the Lord

Who's gonna call on Sunday morning?
Who's gonna drive you home?
I just want one more chance
To put my arms in fragile hands
I thought you said forever
Over and over
A sleepless night becomes bitter oblivion
These thoughts run through my head
Over and over
Complaints of Violins become my only friends
I thought you said forever
Over and over
A sleepless night becomes bitter oblivion
These thoughts run through my head
Over and over
Complaints of Violins become my only friends
I thought you said forever
Over and over (And over and over)

These thoughts run through my head

I'm addicted to this. Paperthin Hymn by Anberlin___

..

GOOD LUCK TO HUIWEI AND ALL HER SYF BUDDIES!

GOGOGOGOGOGOGOGOGOGOGOGOGOGO
GOGOGOGOGOGOOGOGOGOGOGOGO

.-.

At the end of the world where the lions weep...

they made us too smart too quick too many...

Singapore should have weeping lion statues like those in AI. AI is a nice show.

//.Come away, O human child
To the waters and the wild
With a faery, hand in hand,
For the world's more full of weeping than you can understand//

.welovebabyanimals!.

Baby animals rule the world! Ok maybe they don't. But nvm

Relations of huiwei















Puma cub!

A pair of quokkas which are i dunno whats but they're cute

Huiwei's good friend

shaped like Jamie aka breadface aka cononut head aka yezitou aka char siew bao aka anything else spherical

no xr its not a duck. Baby quail

.dream.

oh yea. I just read xiu rong's blog and it mentioned something about strange dream, yeaa, so i shall write about my strange dream that i had on Friday morning...

So in this dream, i moved into a motel thingie, and i went to mini toons with huiwei [i think this is from too much stress finding her pressie]. And somehow the whole story changed to this random person in a hospital-like place. But it was really huge. With like, hundreds of windows. And the place was watched over by this woman[of which her identity i do not know]. She didn't allow anyone to enter and she surveyed the place and had this army that guarded all the exits. So the random person was watching her from the trees and from that point of view i could see the woman between the leaves and branches, wearing this bright pinkish purplish dress[must be the present stress]. A stark contrast to the whiteness of the hospital-like place. So this random person decided to try escape or something. So he[i think it was someone from prison break cuz i happened to watch schmits of the show the night before] went down the stairs really quickly while in my dream, my eyes followed like some camera filming the whole thing like it was some epic movie. Unfortunately, he met with an army of those guards. However, i don't know what happened, but apparently they were all robots. He knocked over them and they fell, deactivating. The whole army just... unplugged. They fell over each other, stiff, eyes open, expressionless. The random guy ran past them, continuing down the stairs.
He somehow got outside. And i think by this time that strange woman was alerted so she had ordered people to go after the random guy. So the random guy went back into the hospital-like place and pretended to go for a bath[for hentai ppl like xr's info, no he didn't actually bathe which means there wasn't anything hentai] He took his bathing stuff and... in my dream i didn't know where the bathroom was. It was an unfamiliar place afterall. My dreamcamera was looking left and right at the long endless corridors, with walls tinted light blue. Because i didn't know which way to go, neither did the random guy. Although this was just a dream, i could feel the sense of urgency and anxiousness. The need to find somewhere to hide, or cover up. The random guy just turned in a random direction and walked quickly to the end. There was a room at the end. He entered it. Just as he was about to pretend nothing happened, a cop entered. Wearing the brown cop uniform. The cop was pointing a gun at the random guy.
This part is really weird. Somehow the guy knew that by forcing me to wake up, the dream would disappear and he would not get shot. And that's exactly what happened. I was forcing my eyes to open. Forcing the dream to be stopped. The cop was protesting, shouting, 'don't try that', 'noo!!', but eventually my eyes pulled open, although there was a strong resisting force, and the dreamscape disappeared. And the guy didn't get shot. And i was awake.

Strange.

.black&white.

i wonder what the world would look like painted in white and black, when we can't see the iridescent oil puddles on the floor or a dish of milk split into an opalescent spectre of colours.[is that even possible?]
But still, if everything was just black and white some things would be made easier, like choices. We won't have to spend so much time choosing the right things to match each other because everything would be complementing in a world where the colours complement each other. [And i wouldn't have to look so hard for a pink --------- for huiwei] Then again, you may say that without other colours, people start picking based on shades. Grey. All kinds of grey. Dark grey is no longer just black. Light grey is no longer white. There's a billion in betweens from black to white. Choosing just got harder.

Why do things in this world have to be so complicated.

But is there even another world where things were so much easier?

I can't wonder more.

Could people be born out of trees?

I don't have much insight on the world. Don't really wish to be affected by its private afflictions. Yet because we live in it, we can't help but get involved. Living in a problem all on its own. Avoiding newspapers and tabloids can't keep you in the shadows. Going out is enough to make you vulnerable.

It's so impossible to stay hidden.

This post was entirely random.

.newlayout.

*** I just realised that it actually fits. It just doesn't on my com. But it does on others. Whyyyyyyyyy...

yay new layout. I don't know why it doesn't fit although its supposed to cuz the size is supposed to be big enough, and i made a larger version yet it doesn't seem to have expanded much so nvm, leave it as it is i guess. Lalala.

.hentaism displayed.

She turns. She looks. It's not the strange whiteness of the walls that attracts her, or the fact that its a place she is forbidden to enter. Not the mirrors.. not the sinks... It's something else... something there.. standing within those walls... it's... HIM.

And that's the story of one of XR's displays of hentaism. [Prob can guess where she was looking at lol]

And huiwei got violated by Xiu rong!!
Xr: Huiwei why your shorts like so big
Huiwei: This is the smallest liao
Xr: What's inside? *And at the same time flips up huiwei's shorts. Realises she has unconsciously[or consciously] committed an act of hentaism in the bright open day light! Quickly lets go, apologising profusely*
*Huiwei is so shocked, she cannot speak but suddenly turns and yell and scream and whack up XR like she has just been r- violated. Which she was*
Desiree and Kristy[onlookers]: O_O OMG XIU RONG. WHAT WERE YOU THINKING???
Only XR wonders what's inside shorts man.

Lynna's venus flytrap is so cute and nice. But its so small! If only it were bigger. Like at least big enough to eat cockroaches.

And yea as XR mentioned on her blog. I was using a lightness lane today, unfortunately, and i couldnt really see a dam shyt . Eventually i went to Niao's lane cuz he was done. But the lane spoilt at his last shot so i had to manually swing the target card forward. And finally we decided that since XR was only allowed to dry fire, she should just take the spoilt lane since she didn't need to draw back so hooray, everything was settled after that. My groupings were total shyt. But i shot a 97 for final ten. I think its because i hugged my gun really closely for the last 10 shots + a few shots before that and it seemed to work a bit with preventing me from swaying. So yayy. nicely baked.

.zz.

bleh. internal monthly today:
i shot 93 94 96 95. with 4 8s[walaosomany]14 9s and 22 10s. 378. Strangely enough, although i shot so many crappy 8s today, my score was still higher than safra monthly[95+95+93+95=377]... in which i shot no 8s. Which means i must have shot helluva lot of 9s. Which it felt like anyway. Anywayy.. actually i thought i would get an even crappier score cuz i haven't trained for one week[cuz of the crappy booking system thing + being sick] and also my sighting was quite horrible. My shots were like.. High.[i think it was something to do with my positioning] So i tried to change my positioning here and there[+make sure the gun butt was totally on my shoulder cuz daxiang and niao both said it was kinda high] and somehow some shots turned normal.
Along the way suddenly, the shots would go high again and i have no idea why actually. Which is why its so bleh. Don't know why some of the shots will fly somewhere else. Actually i was pretty sure of some of the shots but mann.. when i actually fired. I think i moved or something.. So the shot went totally off.. oh well.. and no overall improvement still!!! Gotta train more mann...
i am so lousy now man.zzz.

So after that! I had to torment myself even more!! [Huiwei better be thankful for this] For the sake of Huiwei the 'Great' i had to look at so much pink stuff today which is soo sad cuz i never usually look at pink stuff[cuz i don't like it la] and mann.. this is like the first time i looked at so much pink stuff its so.. W.E.I.R.D. And most of the pink stuff was like associated with pigs [No wonder huiwei resembles one haha] So well, i submerged myself in the world of pink objects and tried to see what was so nice about them...
Huiwei needs a pink revamping! Her pink things count is dropping. Which is baad. Because huiwei is a pink person and associated with piglets. Therefore she must stay pink. yeah. So i shall give her lots of pink stuff for her birthday and up her pink things count again!
So i did all that looking at pink stuff really fast cuz i had to rush home.. thankfully the places didn't let me down. I found a bunch of huiwei stuff that at least, didn't irk me so much that i couldn't bear to touch it. Luckily its pastel pink that she likes, which i don't mind as much, rather than h..h... pink. Which is sick lar. To me that is. Good for you if you like it.

Oh man. This is like a real post lar. So cool. Wa lao i used the word pink 15 times.

Since this is like, a real post! I feel like mentioning xiu rong and kristy in it. Yay. Kristy didn't come to class on thursday[same with me] and friday. So we both didn't take the MI test. Unfortunately, on friday Mrs Tan wasn't there for the tutorial so i didn't ask about retaking the test. Huiwei said maybe we won't take the test at all O_O. Oh well. We'll see. Xiu Rong... don't be negative. And rmbr! Don't say SsIiiAAaaannNnnN after lousy shots ok. Totally kills the next shot mann. yea yea yea. okok i shall stop here. Farewell.

:::

*sis approaches

sis says: every evening, munmun shuts herself up in a corner in front of her laptop and sings emo songs, together with an emo expression on her face... and even a black shirt to go along! and ninja gloves!

*walks away after that

-_____________-


//.i will love you until my dying day. come what may.

i hate green apples. They are SOUR and taste BAD

Today someone really pissed a whole lot of people off mannn. I could just say the name since we all know who it is but nvm.. what the hell.. Just writing your name there when you haven't even got a group yet. What's your problem man?? Still want us to split up OUR group just so that you can have your way?? We formed our group already why the hell would we split up just cuz of you??

What the hell do we owe you anyway.

And acting like you're so pitiful always talking in that irritating tone of voice. Can you like, change to some new tactic or something cuz that one is really getting boring.

Making things difficult for everyone just so that you will get what you want. What you have SYF, well so does the rest of half of the class.. And still pretending to be nice at the end by saying what, draw lots la draw lots la... We already said OK. As long as we even had a spot to write our group down, FINE, go ahead and do that question lar!! Wa lao, stop following people around can. Its dam creepy lar. And we were already contented that we even had somewhere to write down our group becuz earlier on becuz of people like YOU we didn't even have anywhere to go?? And we were a fully formed group unlike you?? And when you FINALLY got your group you still dare to claim that you guys wrote your group there first. Like, wth? In the first place you just simply wrote your name there with no group at all?? We could have just rubbed off your name and just wrote down our group lar. What's your problem??? Godielar.

Still say, fine la if that's what you want, or whatever. YEA, THAT'S WHAT WE WANT MANNN...good that you're fine with it. And yea. You wanna talk to us but we already gave up talking to you because we tried and you won't listen so there's no point talking. So you're happy now right anyway, you got what you wanted in the end? Yea well, good for you. So why don't you just shuddup and stop acting kindly like a bloody hypocrite and stop following people around.

GO AWAY!

oh man. this is like the first time i bao-ed in class and really shoot back at someone straight in the face. Chao bu shuang.

oh yea, if you're unhappy with this, too bad. Blogs are for people to express what they have to say, especially when they're really mad and have no better way to express it like, punching the wall or something. so too bad.

//.wreckage of the heart.

.blank.

Poor xiu rong got abused by kristy today i heard. mann, kristy.. shouldn't be so violent to your peng yous you knoww! I won't niao you so much so you BETTER NOT NIAO ME OK. [since its not even true unlike..!!!] It's dam annoying yea i know.. and i never niao you that bad what!!! Why you say i niao people until very bad one.. just cuz i walked past... wa. i said i didn't see anything lar -_- and i purposely walk in front so you guys can be out of my sight... zzzzzzz... haiz. people are weird when they like someone mann.. especially in front of that person.. *points to rtj

ok. that's all bleh.

//.open your eyes and look this way, tell me girl, about your day.

huiwei's theory

today i put my phone on my stomach and guess what huiwei said!

Later you get stomach cancer.

:/ welcome to the world of huiwei. where birds and beavers have no tails and ducks have no beaks.

haiz.

.random.

.why does the name keep ringing in my head, although all i have for that name is hate.

that doesn't imply anything i just thought of it.

Anyway. Some people are really annoying man. I don't even know them and they keep niaoing me. Like wts. That's the only thing they have to say. Stupid. Irritating. I feel like stabbing them. But i can't. Damn. Wa lao.. I wish they would stop la.. oh well.

Today was quite a fun day [other than becuz of some people] but nvm, it was still fun because xiu rong managed to find something nice and we saw many many ducks. And so we rambled around in circles and found a nice place to complete Kristy's secret mission and then we were off and back to our humblyabodes. yay.

ok im really bad at writing in a blog so well, yeaaa, maybe read xiu rong's or kristy's for more information!