Modelling

No, the other kind.

It's when i learn from seeing others' examples. I think that's what opens up my mind the most. The world is not so grey and gloomy. People are not always materialistic and cold and depressed(okay maybe this one isnt so accurate). People can be nice and friendly and happy!

I feel a renewed sense of hope!

I don't want to eat hostel food though. That remains hopeless.

I'm so tired i don't even have energy to use the com.. noooooohhh

Lifespan development part II

more rants.

Infancy and Childhood

Sense of self: This must have began before i said my first word since i remember that scene well. Supposedly around 18months.

By age 2 we start to understand performance standards, have guilt and shame.

We develop emotional competence, emotional regulation. Our initial emotions come from social referencing, seeing how adults express their emotions to guide our own.

personality development: infant temperament(tends to persist throughout life. 1. easy baby 2. difficult baby 3. slow to warm up baby) I think i was a difficult baby. Mother says i cry the moment the sky turns dark. My behavioural inhibition was prob high. this persists into childhood.

Erickson's psychosocial theory states that personality develops through confronting a series of 8 steps.

Social development and attachment:

newborns are predisposed to react to people, esp those communicating with them. They can have periodicity or burst-pause behaviour, which creates their prelinguistic conversations.

Attachment: strong emotional bond develops between child and primary caregiver(sensitive period). Stages- indiscriminate, discriminate, specific, goal corrected and lessoning. As the stages progress, 2 kinds of anxiety emerges- stranger and separation

Types: anxious, anxious-avoidant, securely attached.

Attachment across lifespan is when children develop an internal working model of attachment based on parents. Adult attachment types: autonomous, dismissive, enmeshed, unresolved.

Attachment deprivation: affects social relationships later on in life.

Styles of parenting: authoritative(best kind), authoritarian, indulgent, neglectful.

Moral development: types of moral thinking (pre-conventional- anticipated punishments or rewards, conventional-societal laws, post conventional-taking individual rights into consideration)

Conscience: restrains ppl from socially destructive behaviours

Emotional social dev in adolescence: IDENTITY identify diffusion, foreclosure, moratorium, identity achievement. I think i am in foreclosure. committed to a set of values but not yet exp identity crisis

In adulthood: isolation vs intimacy, generativity vs stagnation, integrity vs despair

In oldage: death and dying stages(denial, anger, bargaining, depression, acceptance)

Training Psychology

Well actually no. I just spent my 1 hour train ride studying psychology notes thus the title. And im just gonna ramble on whatever i remember what i wrote so it's gonna be incoherent and nonsensical.

Lifespan development, Physical and Cognitive:

research designs: sequential(combination), longitudinal(same ppl at diff ages), cross-sectional(diff age groups, same time)

Issues: Stability vs Instability, Continuity vs discontinuity, Nurture vs Nature, Critical and sensitive periods

Pre-Natal Development: 3 stages (Germinal, embryonic, foetal), teratogens

Infancy and Childhood: Newborn (reflexes and learning, sensory capabilities, visual habituation, perceptual development-perceptual narrowing, localize touch sensations)

Physical development: Motor development (cephalocaudal trajectory, proximodistal trajectory)

Brain (vital portions first then frontal lobe)

Environment and Cultural issues(enriched better, physical touch, biology limits environment influence)

Cognitive development: Piaget's stage model (sensorimotor, pre-operational, concrete operational, formal operational), young infant's understanding of physical world(violation of expectation expt), Vygotsky's approach(development driven by biological and sociocultural imput.)

Info processing approaches: theory of the mind, STM LTM, Information search strategies, processing speed and attention span, memory language and metacognition

Adolescence: puberty, brain restructuring neural circuits, egocentrism(personal fable, imaginary audience), formal operational thinking

Adulthood: lower answering for more accuracy, growth of wisdom(knowledge about human nature and social r/s, decision making strategies, handling conflicts)

Aiya okay la. I didnt actually pull this all out from memory, otherwise don't need to study liao lor! Kept referring. BAD BAD BAD!! OFF TO MEMORISE MORE!!!

Dream Speak

I decided to write the small part of the dream i had this morning which i remember. sadly i only remember that small part.

It's kind of freaky.

I dreamt that everyone of us, who was there in a class, had to drink a spoonful of blood from another person. And you could only drink one spoonful from a certain one person, no more. But it wasn't so gross cuz the blood really looked just like ribena. It wasn't thick or bright red like how i imagine fresh blood would be, but it was watery and diluted and darker, though i'm pretty sure in my dream it was intended to have come straight from the person without any processing.

Unfortunately i don't remember what it was for!!

Arg. Should have tried to remember just when i woke up before it all faded away into dusty dizzy nothingness of the morning.

What would Freud have to say about this snapshot of a dream?

Born a Petite

just randomly realised that born a petite sounds like bonappetite. a nice play on words since i am exactly such.

okay bye

Accompanying Accomplishments

yay! just spent 4 hours and 20minutes summarising ONE chapter of the psychology textbook. Hooray! What an achievement! That's 4.5minutes per page and it seems long but when i was doing i felt like i was going as fast as i could already. scribbling away in ants handwriting, resisting all the temptations to sleep or wander off into another realm!

But on a sadder note, that's merely one chapter. And i dont even know if i can remember most of the stuff i scribbled. But nvm, that's a problem for later.

Yesterday i did two chapters with the great encouragement of my honeybunches of oats and also a funny encounter with a kid in the library, whose mother sent him over to see the "studying jiejie". So strange! So random! The mother just asked him to come over and so he did, and i really wanted to poke him in the stomach, so i did, and then he poked himself and laughed! So funny was he. Then i showed him how to cap and uncap a pen which he thoroughly enjoyed, and gave him paper to scribble all over, but he reached for my textbook and my notes sometimes. And when his mother called him away to stop disturbing me anymore, he was super sad! He went and emoed with his face in her leg! So she let him come back and he scribbled more and finally when he started drawing on the table his mother hurriedly swept him away to go walk around outside.

So with cheerful goodbyes, we parted company. He looked especially cute cuz he had fallen down in the morning, according to his mother, and his lip was swollen a little so he had a constant pout. It's not sadistic or anything but he really looked like a little duckling.

I also ate the blueberry pancakes KFC breakfast and it was very very nice! Yes it was very very ex as well, but at least they didnt just give like 3 blueberries in the pancakes or sth. The blueberries were evenly interspersed throughout the pancakes and the scrambled egg was really tasty and soft and delightful and sunshine yellow. I probably need to eat macs scrambled eggs and kfc scrambled eggs to compare for sure which is better, but for now i shall shallowly claim KFC's is better cuz their pancakes are awesome.

Yesterday i also got another hat for keeping warm in paris and a scarf, hopefully that will also be helpful. Yes, it was a day of many accomplishments and happy memories that one shall keep for a long long time and forever after.

Now is a much earned slacking time which i shall spend planning a paris packing list!

C:

The Sem will soon End

The semester is coming to an end.

I just got back a CA mark today and it was perfectly acceptable to me, i had already expected that mark since out of the two 10-mark questions, i only knew 1 for sure! In fact, i got higher than what i expected to get so i was happy enough! Plus those noisy chirping guys sitting behind me had around the same marks, it wasnt hard to amass from the amount of tweetering pouring out their beaks, so i felt better that they werent just talking cuz they were smart.

BUT. When prof went through the question that only 5/200 people got correct, a dark veil fell over the happy parts of my mind, i tripped and toppled head first into the abyss of SAD. WHy?? Because i had the right idea! But i had to go and scribble it off and change to another explanation that I myself do not understand what i was thinking at that moment. If i had not left my right idea there it would have been better. Then it wouldnt be staring at me behind those crooked lines, laughing in my face and at my stupidity. At that moment i wish i never even got close, then i wouldnt feel so bad about losing all those marks!! But no! I had to be close!

But i do realise now that it's better to have ever thought of the idea than to have never thought of it at all. At least i made it halfway there. Though being scribbled off, it contributed to my marks naught at all.

It's just like how when i want to do laundry i have only 4 out of the 5 twenty cents needed. And many other examples that my tired mind has blocked out. Things are always SO close. But its the either you get it or not kind of closeness, not the 4 20cents gets you half a laundry wash kind of closeness. Ugh.

BUT ON A HAPPIER NOTE, as i always try to make things into, I FOUND AN INGENIOUS WAY OF HANGING SOYABEAN'S WATERBOTTLE! See, the bottle keeps falling no matter how many adhesives i paste and no matter what other lame sticking method i try to make it stay. Since soyabean's cage has no grills and i cant just poke the holder through the grill. And i also didnt bring the container, that is his cage, home so i didnt have holes drills to thread wires through to hold the bottle there. But AH HAH. There is still another way!! I used the tunnel bridge that soyabean doesnt play with and it's made of wood and has several large holes through its trunk. I poked the bottle mouth through one of the holes and stood the tunnel on its open end and wa la!! A waterbottle stand!! And it's very stable cuz the wood is pretty thick. YES. i did not waste my $11 on this wooden ignored toy for nothing!!

WA HA HA i laugh in the face of all adversity!!!

okay no i don't. But it's a good way to face life in a positive way.

the sky is streaks of dark and light
and in this rain I stand and fight
what matters most, with greater might
stabs the heart, blurs my sight..
I plead that you withhold your words
they cut like freshly welded swords...
I only fight because I feel
the words are what I want to kill..

Pasir ris? No sir, it's Paris

i have failed to keep to my plan of saving $100 a month. But now im more determined than ever! Just that it always seems to end up failing. This week i shall try my very hardest to spend the minimal amount! All these to save for my very budget trip to visit Niewtums in the far away land of pompousness.

That means i must resist all temptation to buy unnecessary things and only spend on food and only food! And all food must be cai fan and as far as possible, from arts canteen where things are especially cheap despite being nice.

One shall stay determined and hopeful!

And one shall study hard!!!

i wanna remember uni life as happy times with friends.

not sad times with results.

today i ate the new macs salad thing. ITS SO SMALL. only the container is big, and that is very sad. No matter how small one is, one does need to eat some substantial amount of food!!

The chicken is tiny. The veggies are sparse. The only thing there's a lot of, is sauce.

Whoohoo. And it's 5.65!! I decided to be the guinea pig and try it for my friends.

IM HUNGRY NOW!!

my eyelashes keep painting my specs.. arggg

I suddenly feel like a lot of my memory is like a blur, regarding events that happened in the more recent years of my life. I don't want to lose anymore memories so I shall try to record them down dutifully!

yesterday I went kite flying for the second time in my life! but for the first time with my honeybunny. before it all started we took our time having lunch and stuff, then popped over to toys r us as it was the place with the highest likelyhood of selling kites. after tunnelling through the maze of little boys and children's toys, we were close to losing hope on finding our kite! but! I didn't want to give up and I really could not believe toys r us wouldn't sell a simple toy like a kite, so I ventured further into the baby's section n low and behold! finding it's place on a slightly gloomy, easily-missed shelf was.. a small array of kites! and for only 4-6 dollars each too! I didn't really wanna have a huge kite to carry around for the rest of the day so we settled for the smallest one, which would go as small as you could fold it cuz it had no support whatsoever, merely a plastic sheet constructed in a particular air-catching manner. but we didn't think much of it! 3.95 only.

with kite in one hand and honey in the other, we pranced along to the grassy patch next to the interchange where we always see many people flying kites. today was no different, but when we began, we were the only ones. it was really sunny, not much wind, and being pretty much first timers, our attempts to fly the kite were sad and only a few scattered victories here and there gave us hope that the kite could actually fly! but as the day wore on, some other pros brought out their huge and sturdy-looking kites and started flying them with barely any effort at all. seeing their success, me n honey decided to migrate over to a patch closer to their side where we suspected the fengshui might be better! and IT WAS!!

the wind there was soo much stronger, came way more often, and our kite could fly spontaneously, albeit crumpling upon itself and doing tumbles due to it's lack of bone structure. the sky was beginning to darken too, but the wind was so awesome, after a few tries, we managed to extend the kite to the full length of the string! it was just such an awesome feeling, seeing the white thread vanish into the dark grey sky, and see our kite in the distance, looking like a wild owl flitting and jerking from side to side threatening to do it's favourite tumbles.

to end off, we managed to fly the kite while sitting down! yayy. that was our other goal. and as lightning streaked through the gloomy clouds ahead, we retired into the cosy shelter of secret recipe n ate a delectable dinner while wondering about the late comers who only started barely before the storm unleashed it's power upon us!

SuX. SUX SUX SUX SUX SUX!!!! life suxx

I HATE this!!!

I'm so emo I need psychiatric help.

on the brightside, emoness let's me write rhymes efficiently, everything just pouring out.

here goes:

so bad, it just feels so bad
everytime this happens I can only feel sad
not mad,
just an unexpected disaster
disappointment clouding all my laughter
nothing else will do,
not after
I've ripped open my heart
and watched the light slip away
it's dark..
I've spent all my luck
and I'm stuck
here
left to suck it up...

not just the blister's bleedin though...

...

my heart too.

but everybody's favourite phrase is just suck it up.

ugh. in this context its like im a mosquito.

mosquito means pestilent.

Monsters Monsters...

Monsters in the night

I fear you not

switch off the lights

my doors are locked

your breath is slight

i hear your knock

don't try to fight

i watch the clock

night trickles away

dark turns into day

But monsters in my heart

are always here to stay.

sometimes life just SUXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

wthh??

are those robots??

anw.

main point of this is just to say

DIE!!! youu!! scum of the earth!! disgrace to mankind!! waste of breathing space!!

disgusting being!!

i think you need to stay in a mental institute for really severe cases.

cuz youre way on your way to the road with no end.

much as I dislike the angel, watching pita ten makes me wanna face life in a bubbly, helium filled, colourful fields of flowers filled, squirrels running across tree branches and chipmunks poking their heads out from holes filled way.

and this is possibly, made possible by the realisation that my next CA is 2 weeks later!! not one week as I initially thought! and I have overcome 3 CAs in the past week! (they have been hard and properly badly done but much effort had been invested nonetheless!) so I can try to be happy and bubbly n heliumly and squirrely and chipmunky and. not that much, but at least happy!

whee!

nvr knew such fear, only the kind you can feel when you're left in the dark, fearing the worst, worse than monsters standing over my bed in the dead of the night, I was just scared something would happen based on memories of the past. the same thing mustn't happen to you.

can't lose you.

random lame post

topped up my ezlink card on 9/2, 13/2, 17/2, 19/2, 23/2 each time $10. That's 50 prickin' dollars on transport in less than a month. And i stay at hostel. Wow. if i stayed at home i would die of starvation from transport alone.