the pit of tea

I'm trying not to wallow in too much self-pity, but how can I not? seeing my demoralizing CA score, I cannot help but feel perplexed, pained, pressured... what exactly am I doing wrong? although I studied harder than before, I also fell harder than before..
I'm trying to study and keep my mind off my perpetual failure.. but Im not so successful this time. it's perpetual, and haunting me.

I have one last chance but already I feel beaten. if I try and fail again my confidence will crumble like a cookie in a garlic crusher. but if I don't try even more sour my insides will be. twisting and turning like in my sleep.

how can I keep up my smiling face when all I do seems to be in vain?

dream

I thought
my heart had stopped
I took a breath
felt myself drop
into an abyss
dark and deep
and then
I woke up from my sleep.